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Spiritual Enlightenment The Damnedest Thing

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he says enlightenment takes just a pen

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in 2002

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a strange book came out in America

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the author says it flat out

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your meditation was a waste of time

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and so was your compassion practice

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the love and light inner peace and oneness bliss you chase

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have nothing to do with enlightenment

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from Indian saints to American bestselling authors

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every spiritual teacher on earth sells the same thing a placebo

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the book offended almost the entire spirituality industry

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by rights it should have been buried in outrage

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but twenty some years later

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it became the most quietly passed around underground classic in the scene

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stranger still

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to this day nobody knows who the author is

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hello

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hi everyone

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I am Leo Wang

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a while back a viewer left a comment

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saying since I even covered Zero Limits

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he hoped I would talk about spiritual autolysis

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when I saw that comment

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something jumped in my chest

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what this friend asked for

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was a book I had circled for years but never covered

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Spiritual Enlightenment The Damnedest Thing

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credited to Jed McKenna

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my hesitation was simple

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this book is too sharp

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take in only half of it

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and you can get hurt

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so in this episode

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I will take it apart whole for you

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including its sharpest edge

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and the place where it stops

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first the author

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Jed McKenna is a pen name

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in the book he lives on a farm in Iowa

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students come and go around him

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he wears no robes

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runs no workshops

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and sells no courses

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he loves skydiving mountain biking and video games

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and reading Whitman in a hammock

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when students bring questions

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he often answers while playing a game

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nothing about him matches our image of an enlightened man

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in the twenty some years since it was published

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countless people tried to dig out his real identity

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all of them failed

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some say he does not exist at all

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just a character cooked up by a few writers

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others say

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precisely because he wants no fame no followers and shows no face

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his words are worth hearing

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a man who runs no classes takes no disciples and allows no worship

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what is he in it for

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hold that question

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in the back of your mind

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now what the book actually says

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its core claim is the title itself

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spiritual enlightenment is not what you think

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so what do we think it is

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close your eyes and picture the word enlightenment

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someone sitting cross legged with a faint smile

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inwardly still and full of compassion for all beings

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merged with the universe

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McKenna says

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wrong

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none of that is enlightenment

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they are just beautiful states of consciousness

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and states have one trait

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whatever comes

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must also go

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you sit and enter deep stillness

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you taste light oneness boundless love

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hours later you still get off the cushion

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you still sit in traffic

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you still fight with your family

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states are weather

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they come and go

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enlightenment is not weather

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it is seeing clearly

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in his own words

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enlightenment is truth realization

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not about happiness

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not about peace

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not about becoming a better person

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it is about one thing only

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truth

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that sounds arrogant

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but anyone who knows the sutras will find it is nothing new

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in the Shurangama Sutra

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the Buddha spends one long passage

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listing fifty beautiful states on the path one by one

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light powers ecstasy then he gives a conclusion

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do not take it as holy

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and it stays a good state

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take it as holy attainment

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and the demons move in

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meaning

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treat the experience as nothing when it comes

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and it is just nice scenery by the road

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take it as a certificate of enlightenment

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and you are possessed

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the Buddha twenty five hundred years ago

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and an American gaming on an Iowa farm

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are saying the same sentence

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beautiful experiences are not enlightenment

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mistaking experience for enlightenment

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is the biggest trap on the path

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McKenna goes harder still

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he says the whole spiritual market sells exactly that trap

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want peace

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someone sells you meditation

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want love

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someone sells you healing

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want abundance

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someone sells you manifestation

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these products share one thing

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they make you feel better

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but feeling better and waking up are two different things

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even opposite directions

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the better the dream feels

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the less you want to wake

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we once talked about the strategy of Mara

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the highest obstruction never opposes the dharma

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it remodels the dharma into something comfortable

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the temple still stands

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the incense still burns

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the scriptures are word perfect

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only the core is quietly swapped for a program that deepens your sleep

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McKenna punches through the paper with one line

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the market will never sell waking up

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because that product would destroy the customer

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that is the tearing down

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now the one thing the book builds up

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the method that viewer asked for by name

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spiritual autolysis

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the word sounds frightening

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but it comes from biology

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a dead cell digested by its own enzymes

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nothing outside devours it

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it breaks itself down

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McKenna moves that from cells to consciousness

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so how do you actually do it

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you may not believe this

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just three steps

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step one

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sit down

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take a pen and a sheet of paper

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step two

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write one sentence you hold as absolutely true

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any sentence will do

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step three

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attack that sentence

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prove it false

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careful

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not defend it

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attack it

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knife it like the cruelest opponent you can imagine

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and then you find

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it really is false

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or at least you cannot prove it true

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cross it out

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write the next one

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go again

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write today

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write tomorrow

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for a month

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for a year

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by his own account

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he wrote day and night like this for nearly two years

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until no sentence on the page could stand

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and then

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it was over

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he calls that done

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reading this method the first time

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I sat stunned for a long while

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it looks so much like the Zen huatou practice

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what is a huatou

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a question with no answer

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who is chanting the Buddha name

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and who is dragging this body around

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the Zen master has you hold the question inside

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like an iron ball that will not dissolve

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walking standing sitting lying down you hold it

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the great doubt grows and grows

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until it swallows the whole person

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then in some instant

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the doubt mass explodes

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McKenna is doing the same thing

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he just moves the iron ball from the mind to the page

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turning Zen inquiry into homework

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and there is an older source behind it

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in the ancient Upanishads

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seekers looked for the true self by negation

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not this

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not this

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the body

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not it

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thoughts

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not it

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emotions

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not it

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peeling off layer after layer

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when we covered Nagarjuna

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we said every answer is a trap

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his craft was also demolition without construction

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he blocks all four directions

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forcing you out of the question itself

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from the Upanishads to Nagarjuna

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to Zen

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to this mystery man on an American farm

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across thousands of years

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the most relentless minds of every civilization converged

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on the same single move

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negation

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not building a better belief

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but holding every belief over the fire one by one

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to see which one will not burn

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speaking of what will not burn

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one detail really shows what this man is made of

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the greatest spiritual classic in McKenna eyes

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is not a Buddhist sutra

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nor the Upanishads

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it is the novel Moby Dick by Melville

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in the later books of his trilogy

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he spends pages on Captain Ahab

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to the ordinary reader

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Ahab is a madman

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losing a whole ship and every life to chase one white whale

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but in McKenna eyes

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Ahab is the only one in Western literature who went all the way

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everyone told him to turn back

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whaling is a business they said

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not worth dying for

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only Ahab knew

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behind that whale hid a truth he had to face and ask

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even if it burned the ship and burned himself

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he would chase it down

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McKenna says

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that is what a truth seeker looks like

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you do not have to agree with him

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but you can feel the temperature of this book

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from start to finish

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it never intends to make anyone comfortable

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you might ask

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can I not just do it in my head

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why must it be written down

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and that is exactly the genius of the method

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think about how thoughts work in your head

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an idea appears

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you sense it is off

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it morphs dodges changes clothes and comes back

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thoughts are liquid

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you cannot hold them

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but written words are solid

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black ink on white paper sitting right there

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it cannot deny or run or change shape

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you can only face it

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thinking can pardon itself

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writing cannot

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the point is not writing some earth shaking truth

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it is the act of writing itself

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it corners your mind for the first time

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try it tonight if you doubt me

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write any sentence you have never doubted

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say I love my family

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write it down

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stare at it for three minutes

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do not analyze

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just look

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most likely a subtle restlessness will rise

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a voice rushes to add explain and say but

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did you notice

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that urge to pull the sentence back and edit it

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is the thing you normally cannot see

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one pen

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one sheet of paper

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three minutes

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and it surfaces

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at this point

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I have to hit the brakes

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I said this book is sharp

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its poison lives here too

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McKenna repeatedly warns readers off this road

290
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he says enlightenment will not improve your life

291
00:09:08,754 --> 00:09:11,776
no more happiness no more success no more charm

292
00:09:11,834 --> 00:09:14,776
it only burns away every certainty you live on

293
00:09:14,994 --> 00:09:16,115
if what you want is happiness

294
00:09:16,474 --> 00:09:18,354
enlightenment is not what you need

295
00:09:18,354 --> 00:09:19,896
you need a different lesson

296
00:09:21,087 --> 00:09:22,767
he calls it human adulthood

297
00:09:23,326 --> 00:09:25,526
growing out of infantile dependence

298
00:09:25,526 --> 00:09:27,006
no longer waiting to be saved

299
00:09:27,007 --> 00:09:30,748
no longer handing the remote to parents bosses or gurus

300
00:09:30,926 --> 00:09:31,807
you make your own decisions

301
00:09:32,046 --> 00:09:33,348
you carry your own consequences

302
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,147
you dare to want what you actually want

303
00:09:35,607 --> 00:09:37,167
then McKenna says something that stings

304
00:09:37,607 --> 00:09:40,108
very few people on earth truly need enlightenment

305
00:09:40,206 --> 00:09:43,667
but grown ups who never grew up are everywhere

306
00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,126
most people who walk into the spiritual market

307
00:09:46,127 --> 00:09:47,667
buy a ticket to enlightenment

308
00:09:47,847 --> 00:09:50,307
while what they really want is someone to hold them

309
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:51,287
these are two different things

310
00:09:51,566 --> 00:09:53,006
one is making the dream better

311
00:09:53,007 --> 00:09:54,708
the other is waking from the dream

312
00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:55,848
completely different directions

313
00:09:56,046 --> 00:09:56,868
do not confuse them

314
00:09:57,647 --> 00:09:59,988
I think that is the most honest passage in the book

315
00:10:00,127 --> 00:10:02,627
and it is also exactly where the book stops

316
00:10:03,301 --> 00:10:03,792
what do I mean

317
00:10:04,152 --> 00:10:05,271
when you finish this book

318
00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:07,532
a faint unease stays with you

319
00:10:07,791 --> 00:10:10,573
the McKenna in it is finished and free

320
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:11,272
and then what

321
00:10:11,752 --> 00:10:13,152
the world no longer interests him

322
00:10:13,311 --> 00:10:14,892
people no longer hold him

323
00:10:14,992 --> 00:10:18,412
like a man sitting alone in an empty theater after the credits

324
00:10:18,711 --> 00:10:19,432
once everything is burned

325
00:10:19,671 --> 00:10:20,713
is there only ash left

326
00:10:21,941 --> 00:10:22,343
right here

327
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,203
is where Buddhism walks two steps further

328
00:10:25,421 --> 00:10:27,182
Zen has the famous Ten Ox Herding Pictures

329
00:10:27,662 --> 00:10:29,983
ten images mapping the whole path

330
00:10:30,382 --> 00:10:33,723
seeking the ox seeing it catching it riding home

331
00:10:33,982 --> 00:10:34,503
in the eighth

332
00:10:34,782 --> 00:10:35,541
the person is gone

333
00:10:35,541 --> 00:10:36,302
the ox is gone

334
00:10:36,581 --> 00:10:38,603
only an empty circle is left on the paper

335
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:41,343
McKenna probably reached that eighth picture

336
00:10:41,862 --> 00:10:42,922
nothing left to burn

337
00:10:42,982 --> 00:10:44,162
everything back to zero

338
00:10:44,791 --> 00:10:46,950
but the Ten Ox Pictures do not end there

339
00:10:46,952 --> 00:10:48,752
the ninth is returning to the source

340
00:10:49,271 --> 00:10:50,372
mountains are mountains again

341
00:10:50,472 --> 00:10:51,313
rivers are rivers again

342
00:10:51,712 --> 00:10:53,252
and flowers still bloom by the stream

343
00:10:53,352 --> 00:10:54,473
the tenth is the most moving

344
00:10:54,911 --> 00:10:55,793
entering the marketplace with open hands

345
00:10:56,192 --> 00:10:59,173
the enlightened man has a big belly and a wine gourd

346
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:00,852
walking back into the noisy town laughing

347
00:11:00,911 --> 00:11:01,752
covered in dust

348
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,252
to help the people who are lost

349
00:11:03,511 --> 00:11:05,333
emptying out is not going cold

350
00:11:05,472 --> 00:11:08,173
compassion flows unconditionally for the first time

351
00:11:08,232 --> 00:11:10,430
because there is no me left to protect

352
00:11:10,431 --> 00:11:12,532
so love finally stops being a transaction

353
00:11:12,671 --> 00:11:14,673
Buddhism calls it the union of compassion and wisdom

354
00:11:15,112 --> 00:11:16,112
wisdom and compassion

355
00:11:16,391 --> 00:11:18,372
miss either one and the road is not finished

356
00:11:18,747 --> 00:11:21,927
I know many of you are walking this road

357
00:11:22,186 --> 00:11:25,287
people often comment that seeing emptiness made them lonelier

358
00:11:25,466 --> 00:11:26,647
nothing feels interesting anymore

359
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,527
and they cannot connect with the people around them

360
00:11:28,747 --> 00:11:29,988
if you feel that too

361
00:11:30,347 --> 00:11:30,907
let me say this

362
00:11:31,227 --> 00:11:31,948
you did not practice wrong

363
00:11:32,426 --> 00:11:34,128
you just reached the eighth picture

364
00:11:34,186 --> 00:11:35,608
standing inside that empty circle

365
00:11:35,747 --> 00:11:37,267
it really is cold and silent there

366
00:11:37,666 --> 00:11:39,008
but do not stop there

367
00:11:39,107 --> 00:11:39,907
that is not the destination

368
00:11:40,267 --> 00:11:41,608
two more pictures come after it

369
00:11:41,907 --> 00:11:42,708
once the fire burns out

370
00:11:42,907 --> 00:11:44,488
you come back to the human world

371
00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:45,530
finally

372
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:48,312
a safe version for anyone who wants to try this pen

373
00:11:48,731 --> 00:11:51,992
you need not burn through two years of your life like McKenna

374
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:54,232
and most people should not

375
00:11:54,650 --> 00:11:55,572
you can start like this

376
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,712
take a sheet of paper before bed tonight

377
00:11:57,810 --> 00:12:01,072
write down the judgment that shook you most today

378
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,212
say he really looks down on me

379
00:12:03,650 --> 00:12:05,692
or my life is already set

380
00:12:06,290 --> 00:12:06,852
write it down

381
00:12:07,211 --> 00:12:08,171
then ask three words

382
00:12:08,611 --> 00:12:09,131
are you sure

383
00:12:10,091 --> 00:12:11,051
take it apart if it gives

384
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:13,010
leave it alone if it does not

385
00:12:13,011 --> 00:12:14,072
and look again tomorrow

386
00:12:14,410 --> 00:12:15,871
you are not dismantling your life

387
00:12:15,971 --> 00:12:18,472
just the layer of lies pressing down on it

388
00:12:18,930 --> 00:12:20,092
one brick a day

389
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:21,832
no demolition crew needed

390
00:12:22,536 --> 00:12:23,456
so here is the question

391
00:12:23,696 --> 00:12:25,254
if you really pick up the pen tonight

392
00:12:25,255 --> 00:12:27,637
and write your first absolutely true sentence

393
00:12:27,696 --> 00:12:28,576
which one would you write

394
00:12:28,936 --> 00:12:30,374
dare to post it in the comments

395
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,134
and let all of us hold it over the fire

396
00:12:32,135 --> 00:12:33,257
and see how many rounds it survives

397
00:12:33,576 --> 00:12:34,297
I am curious

398
00:12:34,495 --> 00:12:35,476
and looking forward to it

399
00:12:35,495 --> 00:12:35,856
of course

400
00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:38,055
if there is a book you want me to take apart next

401
00:12:38,056 --> 00:12:39,254
tell me too

402
00:12:39,255 --> 00:12:39,897
I am Leo Wang

403
00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,057
see you next episode