Spiritual Enlightenment The Damnedest Thing
he says enlightenment takes just a pen
in 2002
a strange book came out in America
the author says it flat out
your meditation was a waste of time
and so was your compassion practice
the love and light inner peace and oneness bliss you chase
have nothing to do with enlightenment
from Indian saints to American bestselling authors
every spiritual teacher on earth sells the same thing a placebo
the book offended almost the entire spirituality industry
by rights it should have been buried in outrage
but twenty some years later
it became the most quietly passed around underground classic in the scene
stranger still
to this day nobody knows who the author is
hello
hi everyone
I am Leo Wang
a while back a viewer left a comment
saying since I even covered Zero Limits
he hoped I would talk about spiritual autolysis
when I saw that comment
something jumped in my chest
what this friend asked for
was a book I had circled for years but never covered
Spiritual Enlightenment The Damnedest Thing
credited to Jed McKenna
my hesitation was simple
this book is too sharp
take in only half of it
and you can get hurt
so in this episode
I will take it apart whole for you
including its sharpest edge
and the place where it stops
first the author
Jed McKenna is a pen name
in the book he lives on a farm in Iowa
students come and go around him
he wears no robes
runs no workshops
and sells no courses
he loves skydiving mountain biking and video games
and reading Whitman in a hammock
when students bring questions
he often answers while playing a game
nothing about him matches our image of an enlightened man
in the twenty some years since it was published
countless people tried to dig out his real identity
all of them failed
some say he does not exist at all
just a character cooked up by a few writers
others say
precisely because he wants no fame no followers and shows no face
his words are worth hearing
a man who runs no classes takes no disciples and allows no worship
what is he in it for
hold that question
in the back of your mind
now what the book actually says
its core claim is the title itself
spiritual enlightenment is not what you think
so what do we think it is
close your eyes and picture the word enlightenment
someone sitting cross legged with a faint smile
inwardly still and full of compassion for all beings
merged with the universe
McKenna says
wrong
none of that is enlightenment
they are just beautiful states of consciousness
and states have one trait
whatever comes
must also go
you sit and enter deep stillness
you taste light oneness boundless love
hours later you still get off the cushion
you still sit in traffic
you still fight with your family
states are weather
they come and go
enlightenment is not weather
it is seeing clearly
in his own words
enlightenment is truth realization
not about happiness
not about peace
not about becoming a better person
it is about one thing only
truth
that sounds arrogant
but anyone who knows the sutras will find it is nothing new
in the Shurangama Sutra
the Buddha spends one long passage
listing fifty beautiful states on the path one by one
light powers ecstasy then he gives a conclusion
do not take it as holy
and it stays a good state
take it as holy attainment
and the demons move in
meaning
treat the experience as nothing when it comes
and it is just nice scenery by the road
take it as a certificate of enlightenment
and you are possessed
the Buddha twenty five hundred years ago
and an American gaming on an Iowa farm
are saying the same sentence
beautiful experiences are not enlightenment
mistaking experience for enlightenment
is the biggest trap on the path
McKenna goes harder still
he says the whole spiritual market sells exactly that trap
want peace
someone sells you meditation
want love
someone sells you healing
want abundance
someone sells you manifestation
these products share one thing
they make you feel better
but feeling better and waking up are two different things
even opposite directions
the better the dream feels
the less you want to wake
we once talked about the strategy of Mara
the highest obstruction never opposes the dharma
it remodels the dharma into something comfortable
the temple still stands
the incense still burns
the scriptures are word perfect
only the core is quietly swapped for a program that deepens your sleep
McKenna punches through the paper with one line
the market will never sell waking up
because that product would destroy the customer
that is the tearing down
now the one thing the book builds up
the method that viewer asked for by name
spiritual autolysis
the word sounds frightening
but it comes from biology
a dead cell digested by its own enzymes
nothing outside devours it
it breaks itself down
McKenna moves that from cells to consciousness
so how do you actually do it
you may not believe this
just three steps
step one
sit down
take a pen and a sheet of paper
step two
write one sentence you hold as absolutely true
any sentence will do
step three
attack that sentence
prove it false
careful
not defend it
attack it
knife it like the cruelest opponent you can imagine
and then you find
it really is false
or at least you cannot prove it true
cross it out
write the next one
go again
write today
write tomorrow
for a month
for a year
by his own account
he wrote day and night like this for nearly two years
until no sentence on the page could stand
and then
it was over
he calls that done
reading this method the first time
I sat stunned for a long while
it looks so much like the Zen huatou practice
what is a huatou
a question with no answer
who is chanting the Buddha name
and who is dragging this body around
the Zen master has you hold the question inside
like an iron ball that will not dissolve
walking standing sitting lying down you hold it
the great doubt grows and grows
until it swallows the whole person
then in some instant
the doubt mass explodes
McKenna is doing the same thing
he just moves the iron ball from the mind to the page
turning Zen inquiry into homework
and there is an older source behind it
in the ancient Upanishads
seekers looked for the true self by negation
not this
the body
not it
thoughts
not it
emotions
not it
peeling off layer after layer
when we covered Nagarjuna
we said every answer is a trap
his craft was also demolition without construction
he blocks all four directions
forcing you out of the question itself
from the Upanishads to Nagarjuna
to Zen
to this mystery man on an American farm
across thousands of years
the most relentless minds of every civilization converged
on the same single move
negation
not building a better belief
but holding every belief over the fire one by one
to see which one will not burn
speaking of what will not burn
one detail really shows what this man is made of
the greatest spiritual classic in McKenna eyes
is not a Buddhist sutra
nor the Upanishads
it is the novel Moby Dick by Melville
in the later books of his trilogy
he spends pages on Captain Ahab
to the ordinary reader
Ahab is a madman
losing a whole ship and every life to chase one white whale
but in McKenna eyes
Ahab is the only one in Western literature who went all the way
everyone told him to turn back
whaling is a business they said
not worth dying for
only Ahab knew
behind that whale hid a truth he had to face and ask
even if it burned the ship and burned himself
he would chase it down
McKenna says
that is what a truth seeker looks like
you do not have to agree with him
but you can feel the temperature of this book
from start to finish
it never intends to make anyone comfortable
you might ask
can I not just do it in my head
why must it be written down
and that is exactly the genius of the method
think about how thoughts work in your head
an idea appears
you sense it is off
it morphs dodges changes clothes and comes back
thoughts are liquid
you cannot hold them
but written words are solid
black ink on white paper sitting right there
it cannot deny or run or change shape
you can only face it
thinking can pardon itself
writing cannot
the point is not writing some earth shaking truth
it is the act of writing itself
it corners your mind for the first time
try it tonight if you doubt me
write any sentence you have never doubted
say I love my family
write it down
stare at it for three minutes
do not analyze
just look
most likely a subtle restlessness will rise
a voice rushes to add explain and say but
did you notice
that urge to pull the sentence back and edit it
is the thing you normally cannot see
one pen
one sheet of paper
three minutes
and it surfaces
at this point
I have to hit the brakes
I said this book is sharp
its poison lives here too
McKenna repeatedly warns readers off this road
he says enlightenment will not improve your life
no more happiness no more success no more charm
it only burns away every certainty you live on
if what you want is happiness
enlightenment is not what you need
you need a different lesson
he calls it human adulthood
growing out of infantile dependence
no longer waiting to be saved
no longer handing the remote to parents bosses or gurus
you make your own decisions
you carry your own consequences
you dare to want what you actually want
then McKenna says something that stings
very few people on earth truly need enlightenment
but grown ups who never grew up are everywhere
most people who walk into the spiritual market
buy a ticket to enlightenment
while what they really want is someone to hold them
these are two different things
one is making the dream better
the other is waking from the dream
completely different directions
do not confuse them
I think that is the most honest passage in the book
and it is also exactly where the book stops
what do I mean
when you finish this book
a faint unease stays with you
the McKenna in it is finished and free
and then what
the world no longer interests him
people no longer hold him
like a man sitting alone in an empty theater after the credits
once everything is burned
is there only ash left
right here
is where Buddhism walks two steps further
Zen has the famous Ten Ox Herding Pictures
ten images mapping the whole path
seeking the ox seeing it catching it riding home
in the eighth
the person is gone
the ox is gone
only an empty circle is left on the paper
McKenna probably reached that eighth picture
nothing left to burn
everything back to zero
but the Ten Ox Pictures do not end there
the ninth is returning to the source
mountains are mountains again
rivers are rivers again
and flowers still bloom by the stream
the tenth is the most moving
entering the marketplace with open hands
the enlightened man has a big belly and a wine gourd
walking back into the noisy town laughing
covered in dust
to help the people who are lost
emptying out is not going cold
compassion flows unconditionally for the first time
because there is no me left to protect
so love finally stops being a transaction
Buddhism calls it the union of compassion and wisdom
wisdom and compassion
miss either one and the road is not finished
I know many of you are walking this road
people often comment that seeing emptiness made them lonelier
nothing feels interesting anymore
and they cannot connect with the people around them
if you feel that too
let me say this
you did not practice wrong
you just reached the eighth picture
standing inside that empty circle
it really is cold and silent there
but do not stop there
that is not the destination
two more pictures come after it
once the fire burns out
you come back to the human world
finally
a safe version for anyone who wants to try this pen
you need not burn through two years of your life like McKenna
and most people should not
you can start like this
take a sheet of paper before bed tonight
write down the judgment that shook you most today
say he really looks down on me
or my life is already set
write it down
then ask three words
are you sure
take it apart if it gives
leave it alone if it does not
and look again tomorrow
you are not dismantling your life
just the layer of lies pressing down on it
one brick a day
no demolition crew needed
so here is the question
if you really pick up the pen tonight
and write your first absolutely true sentence
which one would you write
dare to post it in the comments
and let all of us hold it over the fire
and see how many rounds it survives
I am curious
and looking forward to it
of course
if there is a book you want me to take apart next
tell me too
I am Leo Wang
see you next episode