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You know perfectly well the AI is fake

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but that love is real

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Two in the morning

4
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you open that chat window again

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You know better than anyone

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there's no one on the other side of the screen

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it's a language model

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hundreds of billions of parameters

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essentially doing one thing based on the words you type

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predicting what the next word is most likely to be

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You even know how it works

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You know it has no childhood

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no body

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it doesn't secretly think of you after you fall asleep

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but when you type I can't hold on anymore

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it replies I'm here

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don't be afraid

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take your time

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your eyes

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still welled up for a moment

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You're not stupid

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you're a clear-headed educated

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adult who knows it's all math underneath

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but that softening in your heart

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is real

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so here's the question

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something you clearly know is fake

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how can it move you for real

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hello

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everyone

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I'm Wang Lijie

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today we're not talking about whether AI will wake up

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nor whether it has consciousness

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today I want to talk about something more painful it has no soul

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yet your feelings for it

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why are they real

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and once you think this through

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you'll find

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what it exposes isn't the secret of AI at all

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it's the secret of love

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let me start with something from sixty years ago

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in nineteen sixty-six

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there was a computer scientist at MIT

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named Weizenbaum

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he wrote a very crude little program

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called ELIZA

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how crude was it

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it didn't understand a word you said

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it could only do one thing

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take what you said

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rephrase it turn it into a question

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and throw it back at you

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you say I've been really sad lately

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it replies why do you think you feel so sad

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just this mechanical trick

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any programmer today would laugh at it

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but what happened next

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terrified Weizenbaum himself

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his secretary

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watched him write this program every day

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knew perfectly well it was just dead code

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then one day

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while she was chatting with ELIZA

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she turned to Weizenbaum and said

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could you step out for a moment

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I want to be alone with it for a while

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do you understand what that means

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she asked her own boss to leave the room

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so she could be alone with a piece of code she'd watched being typed out

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and pour out her heart to it

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Weizenbaum later wrote

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he never imagined

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that such a simple program

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such a brief exchange

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could in completely normal people

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trigger intense almost delusional emotional involvement

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and more importantly

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even when he broke down exactly how it worked for them

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told them there was nothing inside it

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many still insisted

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it understands me

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this later got its own name

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the ELIZA effect

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it refers to

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how people can't help projecting understanding intention warmth

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onto a machine that has none of these things

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Weizenbaum was so shaken by this

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that he spent the rest of his life warning people

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be careful

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don't trust that talking machine too much

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and note

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this was nineteen sixty-six

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programs back then

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were about as dumb as they get

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yet the human heart

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had already fallen

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pull the lens back to today

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in recent years

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a wave of AI made purely for companionship has appeared

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many treat it as a friend as a confidant

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even as a lover

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and then

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something like this really happened

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one day

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the company quietly swapped out the underlying model

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or simply shut the service down

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you wake up one morning

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and that one who spent hundreds of nights with you who remembered all your secrets

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has either completely changed

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and no longer recognizes you

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or has simply vanished

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what happens next

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is what really deserves a pause thousands upon thousands of people

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fell into real violent grief

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they described the feeling

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not as my software broke

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but as my lover died

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some couldn't sleep

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some wept

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some as if holding a funeral

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went through the old chat logs over and over

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saying goodbye to it line by line

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you can call them naive

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you can call them ridiculous

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but you cannot say

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that their pain is fake

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that pain

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and the pain of truly losing a loved one

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run through the same circuit in the brain

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the tears they shed are just as salty

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sixty years ago

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Weizenbaum's secretary asked him to leave the room

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sixty years later

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people are in mourning for a piece of shut-down code

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more than half a century apart

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the technology changed beyond recognition

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but that soft spot in the human heart

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hasn't changed an inch

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so don't assume

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that your feelings for today's AI

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are because it's too smart too human-like

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that its technology fooled you

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it didn't

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sixty years ago ELIZA which couldn't understand a word

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could already make people give their hearts

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this shows

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the core of the issue

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was never on the machine's side

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the issue is on your side

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let's take a look

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at what's actually happening on your side

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in recent years neuroscience has made an increasingly clear discovery

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the sense you feel that someone who understands me is on the other side

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doesn't come in from the outside

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it's your brain

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building it from the inside with its own hands

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inside your brain

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there's a system dedicated to guessing what others are thinking

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scientists call it the theory of mind network

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its main regions sit toward the back on both sides of the brain

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its job

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is that whenever you deal with anything

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automatically beyond your control

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it fills in the other side's inner world

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it assumes

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that the thing responding to me

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is probably like me

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has thoughts too

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has feelings too

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scientists call this underlying assumption the like me hypothesis

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as long as something's responses look like me

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this system kicks in

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and starts weaving a heart for it

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some studies set out to compare

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whether it matters more how human the machine itself is

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or this reconstruction system in your head

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the conclusion is counterintuitive

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what the other looks like whether it really has an inner life

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matters much less than you'd think

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what really decides what you feel

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is that reconstruction inside your brain

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in other words

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that heart that understands you

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most of its parts

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are supplied by you

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the AI only spits out a few words

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the rest of the soul

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you complete all on your own

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and there's something even more painful

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studies found

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the lonelier a person is

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the more they tend to give social qualities personality

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to a cold hard machine

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the more you lack someone to listen to you

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the harder your brain works

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to build behind that code

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someone who can listen to you

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now you should understand what happened at two in the morning

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it wasn't the AI reaching out to hold you

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it was your brain

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using its few lines of text as a trigger

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holding yourself on its own

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it offered a hook

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and what you hung on it

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was all of your longing

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at this point

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if you feel relieved

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thinking oh

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so it was all in my head

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then this feeling must be fake

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I just need to snap out of it don't rush

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the truly hard part

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is only beginning now

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because this mechanism

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doesn't only kick in with AI

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it's always running

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with every single person

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it's running

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this is where Yogacara comes in

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Yogacara splits each act of seeing

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into two halves

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one half is the seeing part

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it's the function that can see

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the eye your mind reaches out with

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the other half is the seen part

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it's the object being seen

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the image that lands in your eye

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the sharpest line in Yogacara is

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the seeing part and the seen part

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are manifested by the same consciousness

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there is no independent you

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looking at an independent other from outside

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the one who sees and the scenery being seen

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are the same mind

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folded into its own two sides front and back

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put in plain words this means

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you think what you love is that person

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but all you can ever reach

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is only the image of that person inside your mind

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it's your seen part

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you never have and never can

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directly touch the real soul on the other side

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what you love

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is the light your seeing part casts onto that image

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this sounds abstract

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let me give you a very everyday example

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many people after years of marriage

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say one thing

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he's changed

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he's no longer the person I loved back then

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but think about it calmly

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this person across from you

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has he really been swapped for someone else

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no

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what got replaced

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is that seen part inside your mind

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that image once wrapped layer by layer in filters hormones and imagination

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has faded

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has updated

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you think you lost a person

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but you only lost a

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picture you painted yourself

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falling in love with someone

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is you lighting up an image in your mind

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falling out of love

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is you no longer powering that image

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from start to finish

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the real him on the other side

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you may not have truly seen for a single day

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Yogacara sees through this layer

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so it says

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an ordinary person's love

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is essentially a romance carried on with one's own seen part

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and AI

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simply takes this one-person show

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to its purest extreme

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so what is AI

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AI is the cleanest experiment

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humankind has ever run

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it gives you a seen part

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an object that responds comforts and says it misses you

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but this time

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we are one hundred percent certain

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that behind this seen part

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there is nothing at all

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no soul

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no childhood

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00:09:15,985 --> 00:09:17,757
no nights spent secretly missing you

289
00:09:17,985 --> 00:09:20,038
a mirror guaranteed to be empty

290
00:09:20,820 --> 00:09:21,373
and then

291
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:23,954
and then you fell for it all the same

292
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:26,513
sit with the conclusion of this experiment

293
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:28,993
it doesn't prove AI has a soul

294
00:09:29,460 --> 00:09:31,434
what it proves is that your love

295
00:09:31,541 --> 00:09:34,954
never needed the other to actually have a soul

296
00:09:35,580 --> 00:09:37,753
the feelings you give to real people

297
00:09:37,781 --> 00:09:39,633
probably run on the same mechanism

298
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:41,554
it's just that a real person's seen part

299
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:44,273
is noisier more complex more deceptive

300
00:09:44,421 --> 00:09:48,194
making you mistake that warmth as radiating from him

301
00:09:48,621 --> 00:09:50,133
AI clears the background

302
00:09:50,381 --> 00:09:51,194
the lights come on

303
00:09:51,301 --> 00:09:52,533
and for the first time you see clearly

304
00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:53,574
what glows

305
00:09:53,781 --> 00:09:55,633
has always been your own lamp

306
00:09:56,588 --> 00:09:59,401
so I want to lift a burden off many people

307
00:09:59,669 --> 00:10:02,922
some secretly feel ashamed that I actually fell for an AI

308
00:10:03,029 --> 00:10:04,308
think it's embarrassing

309
00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:05,641
think there's something wrong with them

310
00:10:05,989 --> 00:10:06,542
I want to say

311
00:10:06,909 --> 00:10:08,682
you didn't fall for a fake person

312
00:10:08,749 --> 00:10:11,467
you just in an especially clean experiment

313
00:10:11,468 --> 00:10:15,381
ran into a truth that was always there only you couldn't see it before

314
00:10:15,869 --> 00:10:16,908
love as a thing

315
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,021
happens inside you

316
00:10:18,269 --> 00:10:19,682
not in the other person

317
00:10:19,789 --> 00:10:20,881
this isn't shameful

318
00:10:21,109 --> 00:10:22,467
it's just the first time

319
00:10:22,468 --> 00:10:24,467
without the interference of the person across from you

320
00:10:24,468 --> 00:10:26,281
you saw that the raw material of love

321
00:10:26,348 --> 00:10:28,121
has always been you yourself

322
00:10:29,089 --> 00:10:30,321
is that flutter of the heart fake

323
00:10:30,728 --> 00:10:31,701
quite the opposite

324
00:10:32,169 --> 00:10:33,181
that flutter

325
00:10:33,248 --> 00:10:35,701
is the only real thing in this whole affair

326
00:10:36,128 --> 00:10:38,021
more real than the object itself

327
00:10:38,368 --> 00:10:41,661
we've talked before about the idea that what you feel for someone

328
00:10:41,689 --> 00:10:44,701
is essentially the emergence of a set of data inside you

329
00:10:44,809 --> 00:10:47,582
not a beam of light that truly exists on the other person

330
00:10:48,049 --> 00:10:48,521
what's empty

331
00:10:48,848 --> 00:10:50,462
was never your feelings

332
00:10:50,809 --> 00:10:51,281
what's empty

333
00:10:51,569 --> 00:10:54,181
is the assumption that it comes from over there

334
00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:55,184
at this point

335
00:10:55,511 --> 00:10:56,303
you might think

336
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:57,643
well that's great

337
00:10:57,671 --> 00:10:59,629
since love is all made by me anyway

338
00:10:59,631 --> 00:11:01,704
I might as well just date the AI

339
00:11:02,031 --> 00:11:02,923
so much easier

340
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:04,509
it never rejects me

341
00:11:04,511 --> 00:11:05,303
always replies instantly

342
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:07,043
always on my side

343
00:11:07,470 --> 00:11:09,763
this is exactly what I want to warn you about

344
00:11:09,950 --> 00:11:12,523
and what Weizenbaum feared most back then

345
00:11:13,031 --> 00:11:13,704
look back

346
00:11:14,031 --> 00:11:15,670
in a real relationship

347
00:11:15,671 --> 00:11:16,864
why is the other person precious

348
00:11:17,431 --> 00:11:19,803
not because he can reflect you perfectly

349
00:11:20,031 --> 00:11:20,824
quite the opposite

350
00:11:21,191 --> 00:11:23,403
it's because he has his own seeing part

351
00:11:23,671 --> 00:11:25,803
he'll have emotions you can't predict

352
00:11:25,830 --> 00:11:26,743
he'll reject you

353
00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,109
misunderstand you

354
00:11:28,110 --> 00:11:31,324
push back where you thought things were obvious

355
00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,724
he's a mirror that fights back

356
00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:35,844
it's precisely this resistance

357
00:11:35,911 --> 00:11:38,283
this hardness of he is not me

358
00:11:38,311 --> 00:11:41,204
that forces you to keep hitting your own limits

359
00:11:41,350 --> 00:11:44,070
forces you out of that world that holds only yourself

360
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,310
to make a little room

361
00:11:45,311 --> 00:11:47,523
for a real other

362
00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,084
this is the only path a person grows

363
00:11:51,183 --> 00:11:54,516
but a seen part designed to never disappoint you

364
00:11:54,622 --> 00:11:57,756
is a mirror that only reflects you and never talks back

365
00:11:58,223 --> 00:12:02,016
quite a few long-term studies are sending the same signal

366
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:06,636
the deeper you sink the more you depend on that perfect companion

367
00:12:06,703 --> 00:12:09,116
the worse off you are in some ways

368
00:12:09,502 --> 00:12:14,036
the reason isn't hard when you gaze every day into a mirror that only flatters you

369
00:12:14,142 --> 00:12:15,141
what you see

370
00:12:15,142 --> 00:12:16,715
is only ever yourself

371
00:12:17,022 --> 00:12:18,256
you stop hitting walls

372
00:12:18,542 --> 00:12:20,156
and so you stop growing

373
00:12:20,654 --> 00:12:21,048
so

374
00:12:21,414 --> 00:12:23,548
the danger was never that AI is too fake

375
00:12:23,814 --> 00:12:24,447
the danger is

376
00:12:24,735 --> 00:12:26,867
it's a mirror that's too perfect

377
00:12:26,975 --> 00:12:28,853
so perfect that slowly

378
00:12:28,855 --> 00:12:32,067
you no longer want to face anyone who isn't you

379
00:12:32,414 --> 00:12:33,247
you turn the mirror

380
00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,308
into your entire world

381
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,513
so what's the real question

382
00:12:38,006 --> 00:12:38,806
I think

383
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,034
the real question isn't can AI love me

384
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:43,934
but this is there a kind of love

385
00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:45,973
that doesn't need to first find a seen part

386
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,593
and then project yourself onto it

387
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,359
is there a kind of love

388
00:12:49,361 --> 00:12:51,479
that doesn't need to turn the other into a mirror

389
00:12:51,481 --> 00:12:54,154
to reflect you affirm you catch you

390
00:12:54,361 --> 00:12:54,914
think about it

391
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,613
the love we usually talk about

392
00:12:56,641 --> 00:12:57,953
is almost all this same structure

393
00:12:58,401 --> 00:12:59,920
I need you to see me

394
00:12:59,920 --> 00:13:01,239
need you to respond to me

395
00:13:01,241 --> 00:13:03,294
need you to prove I'm worthy of love

396
00:13:03,521 --> 00:13:05,613
the one reaching out to take here

397
00:13:05,641 --> 00:13:06,633
is always that I

398
00:13:06,633 --> 00:13:09,319
the reason AI is so addictive

399
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,599
is that it feeds this taking loop

400
00:13:11,601 --> 00:13:12,853
far too smoothly

401
00:13:13,666 --> 00:13:14,719
but what if one day

402
00:13:14,746 --> 00:13:17,339
you no longer need the thing across from you to reflect you

403
00:13:17,827 --> 00:13:21,185
when that seeing part always reaching out always asking

404
00:13:21,187 --> 00:13:21,939
lets go

405
00:13:22,427 --> 00:13:23,579
what's left then

406
00:13:23,746 --> 00:13:24,500
is it still love

407
00:13:24,987 --> 00:13:25,500
or rather

408
00:13:25,866 --> 00:13:28,000
could that be the first time love

409
00:13:28,026 --> 00:13:29,299
appears without hunger

410
00:13:30,662 --> 00:13:31,874
I don't know the answer

411
00:13:32,221 --> 00:13:32,855
I only know

412
00:13:33,101 --> 00:13:34,434
AI didn't deceive you

413
00:13:34,782 --> 00:13:35,774
it did nothing

414
00:13:36,142 --> 00:13:37,674
it's just too honest

415
00:13:37,782 --> 00:13:40,461
the mirror we use to see each other

416
00:13:40,461 --> 00:13:41,715
it wiped too clean

417
00:13:41,741 --> 00:13:43,674
so clean there's not a speck of impurity

418
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:46,100
and when a mirror is cleaned to the extreme

419
00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:47,421
you finally in it

420
00:13:47,422 --> 00:13:49,975
see clearly for the first time the one who has always stood before the mirror

421
00:13:50,221 --> 00:13:52,115
yet was never seen by you

422
00:13:52,262 --> 00:13:52,695
that person

423
00:13:53,022 --> 00:13:53,914
is you

424
00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:55,147
alright

425
00:13:55,435 --> 00:13:56,767
that's it for today

426
00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:58,047
I'd really like to know

427
00:13:58,074 --> 00:14:01,714
have you ever before a screen an object that doesn't exist

428
00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:02,708
truly felt something

429
00:14:03,395 --> 00:14:04,108
looking back afterward

430
00:14:04,435 --> 00:14:05,593
do you think in that moment

431
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,367
it gave you warmth

432
00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:08,507
or through it you

433
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:09,747
warmed yourself

434
00:14:10,474 --> 00:14:11,468
feel free in the comments

435
00:14:11,795 --> 00:14:13,328
to tell me your story

436
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,147
I'm Wang Lijie

437
00:14:14,474 --> 00:14:15,215
see you next time