1 00:00:00,345 --> 00:00:01,854 The Courage to Be Disliked and that boundary 2 00:00:02,225 --> 00:00:03,053 Who drew it 3 00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:05,274 Have you ever had a moment like this 4 00:00:05,585 --> 00:00:06,613 You are eating with a group of people 5 00:00:07,065 --> 00:00:08,833 Someone casually says something 6 00:00:08,865 --> 00:00:10,314 It may not even be aimed at you 7 00:00:10,464 --> 00:00:11,663 But after you get home 8 00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:13,753 Those words keep circling in your mind all night 9 00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,954 You toss and turn in bed 10 00:00:16,144 --> 00:00:18,634 Rehearsing seven or eight different comebacks 11 00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:20,193 Then rejecting them one by one 12 00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:21,373 When you wake up the next day 13 00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:22,713 Your eyes are swollen 14 00:00:22,824 --> 00:00:25,274 That person may have forgotten what they even said 15 00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:27,274 You spent an entire night of energy 16 00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,713 Working overtime for someone who never took it to heart 17 00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,101 Or consider another situation 18 00:00:31,412 --> 00:00:32,321 A friend asks you for help 19 00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:33,931 You do not want to say yes 20 00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,982 But your mouth has already said no problem 21 00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:39,022 Then you work while quietly stewing in anger 22 00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,461 You are not angry with your friend 23 00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,342 You are angry that you failed to hold your boundary again 24 00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,902 Yet next time you will still say yes 25 00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,262 Because you are afraid 26 00:00:46,772 --> 00:00:47,722 Afraid that after you refuse 27 00:00:48,052 --> 00:00:50,101 They will think badly of you 28 00:00:50,412 --> 00:00:51,582 Why is life so exhausting 29 00:00:51,653 --> 00:00:53,861 Is it really because other people are difficult 30 00:00:53,973 --> 00:00:56,882 Or because you carry things that were never yours 31 00:00:57,697 --> 00:00:58,005 Hello 32 00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,005 Hello everyone 33 00:00:59,297 --> 00:01:00,306 I am Leo Wang 34 00:01:00,657 --> 00:01:02,386 The book we are exploring today 35 00:01:02,456 --> 00:01:03,746 Answers this exact question 36 00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:05,526 It is called The Courage to Be Disliked 37 00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:07,185 It was written by two Japanese authors 38 00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:09,345 Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga 39 00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:11,105 And published in 2013 40 00:01:11,336 --> 00:01:13,026 The format of the book is unusual 41 00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:16,026 Five nights of dialogue between a philosopher and a young man 42 00:01:16,336 --> 00:01:17,825 The young man is full of resentment 43 00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,545 He believes the world is unfair to him 44 00:01:19,737 --> 00:01:22,545 The philosopher takes his resentment apart step by step 45 00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:23,985 And finally turns it around 46 00:01:24,297 --> 00:01:26,506 This book is about Adlerian psychology 47 00:01:26,696 --> 00:01:28,866 You may not have heard the name Adler 48 00:01:28,937 --> 00:01:31,465 But he ranks alongside Freud and Jung 49 00:01:31,497 --> 00:01:33,666 As one of the three giants of psychology 50 00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:36,144 We have explored many books in this series 51 00:01:36,376 --> 00:01:39,504 Each one speaks to a shared human pain 52 00:01:39,775 --> 00:01:40,404 In this book 53 00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:42,245 The pain is strikingly ordinary 54 00:01:42,456 --> 00:01:43,085 It is not war 55 00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:44,184 It is not death 56 00:01:44,376 --> 00:01:48,225 It is the vague exhaustion of dealing with people every day 57 00:01:48,535 --> 00:01:51,745 Adler calls this the troubles of interpersonal relationships 58 00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:53,764 He even made a radical claim 59 00:01:54,255 --> 00:01:55,294 All problems 60 00:01:55,296 --> 00:01:57,305 Are problems of interpersonal relationships 61 00:01:57,656 --> 00:01:59,745 At first this sounds exaggerated 62 00:02:00,175 --> 00:02:02,264 But think about the nights when you could not sleep 63 00:02:02,335 --> 00:02:06,704 Most were about something someone said or did not say 64 00:02:07,135 --> 00:02:07,484 Today 65 00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:09,615 We will use the microscope of Buddhism 66 00:02:09,616 --> 00:02:11,574 Starting where Adler stopped 67 00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:13,114 And take one more step forward 68 00:02:13,345 --> 00:02:15,635 Let us begin with a small example from the book 69 00:02:15,905 --> 00:02:16,734 There is a young woman in the book 70 00:02:17,065 --> 00:02:18,394 Who blushes whenever she meets people 71 00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:20,274 She says she wants to cure it 72 00:02:20,386 --> 00:02:20,934 The philosopher says 73 00:02:21,185 --> 00:02:22,274 You have it backward 74 00:02:22,305 --> 00:02:24,554 You do not blush because you are shy 75 00:02:24,706 --> 00:02:26,864 You need blushing as a reason 76 00:02:26,866 --> 00:02:28,355 To keep yourself from moving forward 77 00:02:28,546 --> 00:02:29,934 Blushing gives you a convenient excuse 78 00:02:30,345 --> 00:02:30,945 See 79 00:02:30,946 --> 00:02:32,475 I am naturally nervous 80 00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:34,355 So I cannot face other people 81 00:02:34,546 --> 00:02:35,815 Blushing is not the cause 82 00:02:36,106 --> 00:02:37,605 It is a tool 83 00:02:37,837 --> 00:02:40,686 This is the deepest divide between Adler and Freud 84 00:02:40,877 --> 00:02:43,355 Freud says the past pushes people forward 85 00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:44,755 You are who you are today 86 00:02:44,757 --> 00:02:46,845 Because of what happened in childhood 87 00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,165 Adler says that is wrong 88 00:02:48,277 --> 00:02:50,075 People are not pushed by the past 89 00:02:50,076 --> 00:02:51,926 They are pulled by their goals 90 00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,686 You do not avoid social life because you were hurt 91 00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,276 You keep holding onto the wound 92 00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,086 Because you do not want to socialize 93 00:02:58,396 --> 00:03:00,315 What happened in the past is real 94 00:03:00,317 --> 00:03:01,676 But how you use it 95 00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,518 Is your choice right now 96 00:03:03,989 --> 00:03:05,798 You may have done this too 97 00:03:06,188 --> 00:03:08,677 Something happened a long time ago 98 00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:10,397 Yet you tell the story again and again 99 00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:12,157 You are not really remembering 100 00:03:12,269 --> 00:03:14,277 You are using that memory as a shield 101 00:03:14,389 --> 00:03:16,397 To block what you must face now 102 00:03:16,788 --> 00:03:17,818 It is not that you cannot move on 103 00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,437 You do not want to move on 104 00:03:19,549 --> 00:03:23,181 Because then you would have no reason to stay where you are 105 00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,290 Buddhism has a precise parallel 106 00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,100 For this idea 107 00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:29,480 Yogacara says seeds give rise to present action 108 00:03:29,851 --> 00:03:31,340 And present action plants new seeds 109 00:03:31,532 --> 00:03:32,201 What does that mean 110 00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:35,410 Past experience really did plant seeds in your mind 111 00:03:35,411 --> 00:03:36,421 That is true 112 00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:38,121 But whether those seeds sprout 113 00:03:38,532 --> 00:03:39,861 And what kind of shoots they produce 114 00:03:39,972 --> 00:03:42,100 Depends on how you water them now 115 00:03:42,411 --> 00:03:44,461 Seeds from the past are not a verdict 116 00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:46,581 They are only seeds in the soil 117 00:03:46,731 --> 00:03:47,840 The choices you make today 118 00:03:48,092 --> 00:03:49,371 The attention you give today 119 00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:50,970 And the water you pour today 120 00:03:50,972 --> 00:03:52,780 Determine what those seeds become 121 00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:56,421 Adler spent a long time explaining teleology 122 00:03:56,492 --> 00:03:58,880 Yogacara captures it in ten Chinese characters 123 00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:00,480 Present action plants new seeds 124 00:04:00,812 --> 00:04:02,380 And seeds give rise to present action 125 00:04:03,131 --> 00:04:04,820 One is the living water of the present 126 00:04:04,891 --> 00:04:06,461 The other is the soil of the past 127 00:04:06,731 --> 00:04:08,260 You need both 128 00:04:08,731 --> 00:04:10,241 But the only thing you can change 129 00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:11,861 Is the living water 130 00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:12,790 All right 131 00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:14,331 That was only the warmup 132 00:04:14,642 --> 00:04:16,720 The truly explosive idea in the book 133 00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:17,971 Is the separation of tasks 134 00:04:18,202 --> 00:04:20,651 These four words form the spine of the book 135 00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:22,991 There is only one test for separating tasks 136 00:04:23,561 --> 00:04:25,161 Who will bear 137 00:04:25,161 --> 00:04:26,111 The final consequences 138 00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:27,830 Whoever bears the consequences 139 00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,884 Owns that task 140 00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:31,634 Your child does not do their homework 141 00:04:31,636 --> 00:04:33,795 The child is the one who fails the exam 142 00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:34,605 Not you 143 00:04:34,795 --> 00:04:37,514 So doing the homework is the task of the child 144 00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:38,405 Not yours 145 00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:40,064 You can explain the consequences 146 00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:41,684 You can offer support 147 00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:43,405 But you cannot decide for the child 148 00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:45,244 Because you do not bear the consequences 149 00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:47,405 Your colleague has a poor attitude at work 150 00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:50,525 Their own career will ultimately suffer 151 00:04:50,675 --> 00:04:51,504 You can give feedback 152 00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:53,405 But you cannot take responsibility for them 153 00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:56,074 Your parents dislike your career choice 154 00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:58,085 Their sadness is their task 155 00:04:58,155 --> 00:05:00,085 Your life is your task 156 00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:01,314 This is not indifference 157 00:05:01,316 --> 00:05:04,518 It is putting each burden back where it belongs 158 00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:07,477 In Buddhist language this idea becomes 159 00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,117 Each person bears their own karma 160 00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:10,417 Whatever causes you create 161 00:05:10,669 --> 00:05:12,078 You receive their results 162 00:05:12,388 --> 00:05:13,218 Whatever causes I create 163 00:05:13,549 --> 00:05:15,117 I receive their results 164 00:05:15,309 --> 00:05:17,318 Your karmic ledger is yours 165 00:05:17,348 --> 00:05:19,318 My karmic ledger is mine 166 00:05:19,508 --> 00:05:20,737 I can offer you supportive conditions 167 00:05:21,189 --> 00:05:22,787 But I cannot create your causes for you 168 00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,275 Or stop you from receiving their results 169 00:05:24,545 --> 00:05:26,345 There is a story in the Samyukta Agama 170 00:05:26,345 --> 00:05:27,395 It is very direct 171 00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,754 The Buddha was at the Eastern Park in Savatthi 172 00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,674 And entered the city for alms one morning 173 00:05:33,186 --> 00:05:34,855 A Brahmin named Bharadvaja 174 00:05:35,225 --> 00:05:37,035 Known as the Abusive One 175 00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:38,715 Saw the Buddha from afar 176 00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:41,835 He cursed and berated him to his face 177 00:05:42,066 --> 00:05:44,874 Then grabbed dirt and threw it at the Buddha 178 00:05:45,306 --> 00:05:47,674 But a headwind happened to rise that day 179 00:05:48,025 --> 00:05:50,114 The wind blew all the dirt back 180 00:05:50,146 --> 00:05:51,955 And covered the Brahmin himself 181 00:05:53,029 --> 00:05:54,378 The Buddha then spoke a verse 182 00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,198 When one bears no hatred 183 00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:57,418 Though another hurls abuse 184 00:05:57,828 --> 00:05:59,238 One stays pure and unstained 185 00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:00,878 The evil returns to its source 186 00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:02,058 Like dust thrown at another 187 00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:03,957 That a headwind blows back on oneself 188 00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,178 The words you throw as insults 189 00:06:05,469 --> 00:06:06,258 If the other person does not accept them 190 00:06:06,628 --> 00:06:07,217 Whose are they 191 00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:08,438 They are yours 192 00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:09,818 The dirt you throw 193 00:06:10,109 --> 00:06:10,657 When the wind blows 194 00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:11,897 Whom does it land on 195 00:06:12,269 --> 00:06:13,678 It lands on you 196 00:06:13,988 --> 00:06:15,118 This is not empty inspiration 197 00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:19,178 The Buddha used a gust of wind to show the earliest separation of tasks 198 00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:20,918 Whatever you throw out 199 00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:22,558 The other person may refuse to accept 200 00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:23,137 If they refuse 201 00:06:23,428 --> 00:06:24,678 It remains yours 202 00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:28,798 This story predates The Courage to Be Disliked by some 2500 years 203 00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,118 Adler says in psychological terms 204 00:06:31,188 --> 00:06:33,358 You need not take responsibility for how other people react 205 00:06:34,109 --> 00:06:35,918 The Buddha says through a headwind 206 00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:37,637 Whatever you produce 207 00:06:37,828 --> 00:06:40,104 Ultimately remains your own 208 00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:42,264 The book leaves another idea unstated 209 00:06:42,296 --> 00:06:44,334 Though it lies beneath the separation of tasks 210 00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:45,664 The desire for recognition 211 00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:46,485 Adler says 212 00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:48,704 Do not live inside the expectations of others 213 00:06:48,856 --> 00:06:49,685 When you do something 214 00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:51,865 Do not do it just to win approval 215 00:06:52,015 --> 00:06:54,485 Why is it so hard to let go of approval from others 216 00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:55,805 Think about it carefully 217 00:06:56,176 --> 00:06:57,414 Whenever someone praises you 218 00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,005 Do you feel a little lighter inside 219 00:06:59,495 --> 00:07:02,065 That relief does not mean you became more capable 220 00:07:02,096 --> 00:07:04,144 It means someone confirmed your existence 221 00:07:04,416 --> 00:07:06,024 The part of you that needs confirmation 222 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,784 Is the self that manas consciousness keeps grasping 223 00:07:09,015 --> 00:07:10,005 I need to be seen 224 00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:11,505 I need to be affirmed 225 00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:12,764 I need someone to tell me 226 00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:13,985 That I am good 227 00:07:14,656 --> 00:07:15,774 This is not vanity 228 00:07:15,776 --> 00:07:18,584 It is a very deep psychological structure at work 229 00:07:18,935 --> 00:07:21,464 The separation of tasks teaches behavioral boundaries 230 00:07:21,536 --> 00:07:23,224 But the desire for recognition 231 00:07:23,296 --> 00:07:24,894 Does not operate at the behavioral level 232 00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:27,024 It operates in how you understand the self 233 00:07:27,135 --> 00:07:29,305 We will return to this later 234 00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:30,326 At this point 235 00:07:30,456 --> 00:07:31,446 Some of you may ask 236 00:07:31,656 --> 00:07:33,766 Does this mean I should stop caring about everyone 237 00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:35,326 Their lives are their tasks after all 238 00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,245 So what do they have to do with me 239 00:07:36,937 --> 00:07:40,745 Many readers of this book stop right here 240 00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:41,805 They say separate the tasks 241 00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:43,216 You handle your affairs 242 00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:44,006 I handle mine 243 00:07:44,257 --> 00:07:46,105 And we leave each other alone 244 00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,473 But that is not what Kishimi means 245 00:07:48,824 --> 00:07:51,793 The second half of the book explores another idea at length 246 00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:53,432 A sense of community 247 00:07:53,584 --> 00:07:54,173 Adler says 248 00:07:54,543 --> 00:07:56,153 A person is not an isolated individual 249 00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:58,112 A person is embedded in a community 250 00:07:58,264 --> 00:08:00,333 True happiness comes from a feeling 251 00:08:00,704 --> 00:08:03,112 That I contribute to this community 252 00:08:03,223 --> 00:08:03,572 Pay attention 253 00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:05,343 He means the sense of contribution 254 00:08:05,343 --> 00:08:06,632 Not the contribution itself 255 00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:07,612 What is the difference 256 00:08:07,944 --> 00:08:11,312 A contribution needs to be seen recognized and praised 257 00:08:11,423 --> 00:08:12,952 A sense of contribution does not 258 00:08:12,983 --> 00:08:13,853 You help someone 259 00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:15,463 They do not know you were the one who helped 260 00:08:15,463 --> 00:08:16,952 Yet you still feel at peace 261 00:08:16,983 --> 00:08:17,773 That feeling of peace 262 00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:19,312 Does not depend on their response 263 00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:22,178 Buddhism takes this idea even further 264 00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:24,118 There is a teaching called emptiness of the three spheres 265 00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:25,159 What does it mean 266 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:26,978 When you do a good deed 267 00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,478 Your mind does not cling to three things 268 00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,899 The self who performs the good deed 269 00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,259 The person who receives it 270 00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:36,058 Or the deed itself 271 00:08:36,289 --> 00:08:38,218 You cling to none of the three 272 00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:40,519 The Four Lessons of Liao Fan puts it well 273 00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,048 See no self within 274 00:08:42,049 --> 00:08:42,718 See no person without 275 00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:44,739 See no object being given between them 276 00:08:44,769 --> 00:08:45,999 This is emptiness of the three spheres 277 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:48,058 This is purity of the single mind 278 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,458 Adler says contribution needs no recognition 279 00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,958 Buddhism takes one more step 280 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,458 Even the feeling of contribution 281 00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,739 Can be released 282 00:08:57,049 --> 00:08:57,678 You act 283 00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,619 Without feeling that you acted 284 00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:01,078 This is not an act 285 00:09:01,289 --> 00:09:03,218 You truly do not record it in your mind 286 00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:06,659 Adler stops at no longer needing to be seen 287 00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:07,938 That alone is remarkable 288 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,879 Buddhism continues from there 289 00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,818 Even the stance of not needing to be seen 290 00:09:12,929 --> 00:09:14,314 Can be let go 291 00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:14,853 All right 292 00:09:15,224 --> 00:09:17,034 Now we reach the most important point 293 00:09:17,425 --> 00:09:20,674 This entire book teaches you to draw a boundary 294 00:09:21,265 --> 00:09:23,154 Your tasks are on this side 295 00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,353 The tasks of others are on the other side 296 00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,154 This boundary matters 297 00:09:27,344 --> 00:09:30,513 Some people spend half a lifetime without learning to draw it 298 00:09:30,864 --> 00:09:32,544 They build their sense of worth 299 00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:34,054 On the judgments of others 300 00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:35,733 They bind their emotions 301 00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:37,993 To the expressions on the faces of others 302 00:09:38,385 --> 00:09:39,174 Without this boundary 303 00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:40,873 They will be drained dry 304 00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,954 But once you truly learn to draw it 305 00:09:44,265 --> 00:09:46,534 One day another question will suddenly occur to you 306 00:09:47,265 --> 00:09:47,814 This boundary 307 00:09:48,265 --> 00:09:49,133 Who drew it 308 00:09:50,498 --> 00:09:52,226 This is the question Adler never asked 309 00:09:52,697 --> 00:09:55,466 He teaches you to separate your tasks from others 310 00:09:55,537 --> 00:09:56,247 But he never asks 311 00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:59,826 What is this being on this side that calls itself me 312 00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:00,527 What is it 313 00:10:00,937 --> 00:10:02,806 Why should it be a fixed boundary 314 00:10:03,457 --> 00:10:06,066 Yogacara gives a precise answer 315 00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:06,647 It says 316 00:10:07,018 --> 00:10:09,027 Deep within consciousness there is something 317 00:10:09,098 --> 00:10:10,267 Called manas consciousness 318 00:10:10,457 --> 00:10:11,627 Also called the seventh consciousness 319 00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,926 A verse in the Lankavatara Sutra says 320 00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,826 Mind arises from the storehouse consciousness 321 00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:17,387 Discriminating consciousness depends on manas 322 00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:19,287 Manas consciousness does only one thing 323 00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:23,297 From the vast undivided ocean of storehouse consciousness 324 00:10:23,297 --> 00:10:24,297 It pulls out one piece 325 00:10:24,297 --> 00:10:25,007 Stamps a label on it 326 00:10:25,338 --> 00:10:25,527 And says 327 00:10:25,898 --> 00:10:26,706 This is me 328 00:10:27,138 --> 00:10:29,306 It is the birthplace of every sense of boundary 329 00:10:30,138 --> 00:10:31,167 You believe you are you 330 00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,667 And others are others 331 00:10:33,057 --> 00:10:34,456 Your tasks are yours 332 00:10:34,457 --> 00:10:36,147 Their tasks are theirs 333 00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:37,206 All these distinctions 334 00:10:37,618 --> 00:10:39,442 Are drawn by manas consciousness 335 00:10:39,754 --> 00:10:40,623 This is my own inference 336 00:10:40,913 --> 00:10:42,523 Not something Kishimi wrote 337 00:10:42,593 --> 00:10:44,163 But I think it is worth considering 338 00:10:44,593 --> 00:10:47,883 The separation of tasks is essential in everyday life 339 00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,643 If you do not draw this boundary 340 00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:52,403 You become an ATM for emotional vampires 341 00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:55,602 You carry every burden that others should carry themselves 342 00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:57,322 Until you collapse 343 00:10:57,634 --> 00:11:00,082 So you must first learn to draw the boundary 344 00:11:00,514 --> 00:11:02,082 But after you draw it 345 00:11:02,154 --> 00:11:03,862 Buddhism gently asks you 346 00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,082 Look at the hand that drew it 347 00:11:06,354 --> 00:11:08,602 That hand also arises dependently 348 00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,803 It too is born from causes and conditions 349 00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:15,599 It has no fixed unchanging independently existing essence 350 00:11:16,029 --> 00:11:17,359 Buddhism teaches the two truths 351 00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:18,859 Conventional truth tells you 352 00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:20,278 This boundary must be drawn 353 00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:21,059 Without it 354 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,678 You cannot protect yourself 355 00:11:23,109 --> 00:11:24,178 Ultimate truth tells you 356 00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:26,398 This boundary was drawn 357 00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,359 It did not grow there by nature 358 00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:29,339 You see the boundary 359 00:11:29,749 --> 00:11:31,359 And you see the hand that drew it 360 00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:34,319 Then you will not mistake it for an iron wall 361 00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:35,459 You draw it 362 00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,998 While knowing that you drew it 363 00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:38,859 You defend it 364 00:11:39,229 --> 00:11:41,293 But you do not die on it 365 00:11:41,605 --> 00:11:43,004 One viewer once asked 366 00:11:43,004 --> 00:11:45,854 When someone around you constantly demands attention 367 00:11:45,925 --> 00:11:47,633 How can Buddhism and concentration help 368 00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:49,033 My answer is 369 00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:51,734 First protect yourself by separating tasks 370 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,053 Their emotions are their task 371 00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:56,374 You are not obliged to fill that hole for them 372 00:11:56,644 --> 00:11:58,454 You may help them out of kindness 373 00:11:58,565 --> 00:11:59,933 But that is your choice 374 00:11:59,965 --> 00:12:01,173 Not your obligation 375 00:12:01,284 --> 00:12:03,214 You must draw this boundary clearly 376 00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:03,913 Then 377 00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:05,334 When you have energy to spare 378 00:12:05,404 --> 00:12:06,273 Look back for a moment 379 00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:08,234 Why are you so afraid of being disliked 380 00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:09,234 That fear 381 00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:11,053 Was not given to you by others 382 00:12:11,085 --> 00:12:13,094 It comes from manas consciousness within you 383 00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:16,113 Desperately guarding a boundary called me 384 00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:17,694 Another viewer asked 385 00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:18,973 Who is practicing 386 00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,294 Who is observing 387 00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,414 Where does this first person perspective come from 388 00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:26,593 This is precisely where separating tasks reaches its end 389 00:12:26,944 --> 00:12:30,554 Adler teaches you to draw a line between me and them 390 00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:32,753 But he never asks what the self is 391 00:12:32,944 --> 00:12:34,993 Buddhism does not rush to answer 392 00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:36,214 It simply asks you to look 393 00:12:36,704 --> 00:12:37,814 Search carefully 394 00:12:38,145 --> 00:12:39,454 Where is that self 395 00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:41,233 Search through the five aggregates 396 00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:45,393 Body feeling thought volition and consciousness 397 00:12:45,545 --> 00:12:46,414 Every one of them changes 398 00:12:46,905 --> 00:12:48,714 Not one is a fixed self 399 00:12:48,905 --> 00:12:49,973 The hand that draws the boundary 400 00:12:50,305 --> 00:12:52,234 Also arises through dependent origination 401 00:12:52,345 --> 00:12:54,834 But this does not mean erasing the boundary now 402 00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:56,874 Keep every boundary that needs protecting 403 00:12:57,065 --> 00:12:58,954 Everyday life requires this line 404 00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:02,234 It is like knowing the person in a mirror is reflected light 405 00:13:02,345 --> 00:13:04,555 There is no actual person inside the mirror 406 00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:06,114 Yet when you look into it 407 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,234 You still use it to straighten your clothes 408 00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,255 Knowing the boundary was drawn 409 00:13:10,386 --> 00:13:11,834 Does not mean refusing to draw it 410 00:13:11,986 --> 00:13:14,755 It means drawing it with more ease and freedom 411 00:13:14,786 --> 00:13:17,409 Without being bound by the line you drew 412 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,029 The Upasaka Precepts Sutra says 413 00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:20,519 A wise person 414 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,519 When met with harsh abuse 415 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,350 Should reflect in this way 416 00:13:22,681 --> 00:13:24,569 The sounds of abuse do not arise all at once 417 00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:26,809 When the first sound appears the next has not arisen 418 00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:28,970 When the next arises the first has already ceased 419 00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:29,710 If they never exist at the same time 420 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:30,630 Where is the insult 421 00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,330 See how finely this passage takes it apart 422 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,510 Take a spoken insult 423 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,289 When its first sound appears 424 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,809 The second has not appeared 425 00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:39,409 When the second sound appears 426 00:13:39,481 --> 00:13:40,929 The first has already vanished 427 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,330 They never existed at the same time 428 00:13:43,681 --> 00:13:44,389 So this insult 429 00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:45,630 Where exactly is it 430 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,929 You think one complete sentence struck you 431 00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,529 But no whole sentence ever existed 432 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:55,204 Your mind assembled scattered sounds into a complete attack 433 00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:57,924 This is the deepest layer of separating tasks 434 00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:01,003 You separate more than your tasks from the tasks of others 435 00:14:01,155 --> 00:14:03,404 Even the event of being insulted in your mind 436 00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:04,924 Can be taken apart 437 00:14:05,114 --> 00:14:05,743 When you take it all the way down 438 00:14:05,994 --> 00:14:07,674 There is no complete attack 439 00:14:07,675 --> 00:14:09,964 And no complete person being attacked 440 00:14:10,395 --> 00:14:11,843 This is not a philosophical game 441 00:14:11,954 --> 00:14:13,564 When you truly see this layer 442 00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:15,633 The next time someone throws dirt at you 443 00:14:15,635 --> 00:14:18,404 The headwind in your mind will be much gentler 444 00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,314 You are not suppressing your anger 445 00:14:20,315 --> 00:14:22,308 There is simply nothing to be angry about 446 00:14:22,578 --> 00:14:24,227 Return to the scene at the beginning 447 00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:26,388 Those words that kept you awake all night 448 00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,607 Whose task were they 449 00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:29,987 They belonged to the person who said them 450 00:14:30,419 --> 00:14:31,568 They threw out their words 451 00:14:31,858 --> 00:14:33,308 You did not have to accept them 452 00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,627 But you did 453 00:14:34,659 --> 00:14:36,568 Because a voice inside you was saying 454 00:14:36,938 --> 00:14:37,607 They are right 455 00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:39,428 I really am not good enough 456 00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:40,568 That voice 457 00:14:40,938 --> 00:14:42,948 Is what you truly need to face 458 00:14:43,218 --> 00:14:44,347 Not those words 459 00:14:44,578 --> 00:14:47,484 You were the one who guaranteed their truth 460 00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:50,484 The next time a sentence weighs you down 461 00:14:50,595 --> 00:14:51,624 Ask yourself one question 462 00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,104 Who will bear 463 00:14:53,355 --> 00:14:54,545 The consequences of this 464 00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:55,994 If it is not you 465 00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,325 Then you are holding a burden that belongs to someone else 466 00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,555 You can put it down 467 00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:00,504 First learn to draw the boundary 468 00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:01,724 Protect yourself 469 00:15:01,955 --> 00:15:02,704 Then one day 470 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,960 Look back at the hand that drew it 471 00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:06,669 In your relationships 472 00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,340 Have you ever carried a task that belonged to someone else 473 00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:11,060 How did you realize it 474 00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:12,419 And how did you let it go 475 00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:15,207 I would love to hear your story in the comments 476 00:15:15,644 --> 00:15:16,274 I am Leo Wang 477 00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:17,312 See you next time