1
00:00:00,345 --> 00:00:01,854
被讨厌的勇气 那条线

2
00:00:02,225 --> 00:00:03,053
是谁画的

3
00:00:03,585 --> 00:00:05,274
你有没有过这种时刻

4
00:00:05,585 --> 00:00:06,613
一桌子人吃饭

5
00:00:07,065 --> 00:00:08,833
有人随口说了句什么

6
00:00:08,865 --> 00:00:10,314
不一定是针对你的

7
00:00:10,464 --> 00:00:11,663
但你回家以后

8
00:00:11,664 --> 00:00:13,753
那句话在脑子里转了一整晚

9
00:00:14,025 --> 00:00:15,954
你躺在床上翻来覆去

10
00:00:16,144 --> 00:00:18,634
心里排练了七八个版本的回击

11
00:00:18,745 --> 00:00:20,193
又一个一个否掉

12
00:00:20,585 --> 00:00:21,373
第二天醒来

13
00:00:21,625 --> 00:00:22,713
眼睛肿着

14
00:00:22,824 --> 00:00:25,274
那个人可能早就忘了自己说过什么

15
00:00:25,545 --> 00:00:27,274
你用了一整夜的精力

16
00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:29,713
替一个没往心里去的人加班

17
00:00:30,133 --> 00:00:31,101
或者另一种

18
00:00:31,412 --> 00:00:32,321
朋友找你帮忙

19
00:00:32,653 --> 00:00:33,931
你心里不想答应

20
00:00:33,933 --> 00:00:35,982
但嘴上已经说了没问题

21
00:00:36,533 --> 00:00:39,022
回头你一边干一边生闷气

22
00:00:39,213 --> 00:00:40,461
气的不是朋友

23
00:00:40,573 --> 00:00:42,342
是自己怎么又没守住

24
00:00:42,772 --> 00:00:44,902
可你下次还是会答应

25
00:00:45,253 --> 00:00:46,262
因为你怕

26
00:00:46,772 --> 00:00:47,722
怕拒绝以后

27
00:00:48,052 --> 00:00:50,101
对方心里会怎么想你

28
00:00:50,412 --> 00:00:51,582
你活得这么累

29
00:00:51,653 --> 00:00:53,861
到底是因为别人难伺候

30
00:00:53,973 --> 00:00:56,882
还是因为你替别人扛了不属于你的东西

31
00:00:57,697 --> 00:00:58,005
哈喽

32
00:00:58,536 --> 00:00:59,005
大家好

33
00:00:59,297 --> 00:01:00,306
我是王利杰

34
00:01:00,657 --> 00:01:02,386
今天要拆的这本书

35
00:01:02,456 --> 00:01:03,746
专门回答这个问题

36
00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:05,526
它叫 被讨厌的勇气

37
00:01:05,976 --> 00:01:07,185
两位日本作者

38
00:01:07,297 --> 00:01:09,345
岸见一郎和古贺史健

39
00:01:09,696 --> 00:01:11,105
二零一三年出版

40
00:01:11,336 --> 00:01:13,026
全书的形式很特别

41
00:01:13,217 --> 00:01:16,026
一个哲人和一个青年的五夜对话

42
00:01:16,336 --> 00:01:17,825
青年一肚子怨气

43
00:01:17,896 --> 00:01:19,545
觉得世界对他不公平

44
00:01:19,737 --> 00:01:22,545
哲人一步一步把他的怨气拆开

45
00:01:22,696 --> 00:01:23,985
最后翻过来

46
00:01:24,297 --> 00:01:26,506
这本书讲的是阿德勒心理学

47
00:01:26,696 --> 00:01:28,866
阿德勒这个名字你可能没听过

48
00:01:28,937 --> 00:01:31,465
但他和弗洛伊德 荣格并列

49
00:01:31,497 --> 00:01:33,666
是心理学三大巨头之一

50
00:01:34,255 --> 00:01:36,144
我们这个系列拆过很多书

51
00:01:36,376 --> 00:01:39,504
每本书都在说人类某个共同的痛处

52
00:01:39,775 --> 00:01:40,404
今天这本

53
00:01:40,775 --> 00:01:42,245
痛的地方特别日常

54
00:01:42,456 --> 00:01:43,085
不是战争

55
00:01:43,255 --> 00:01:44,184
不是死亡

56
00:01:44,376 --> 00:01:48,225
就是你每天跟身边人打交道时那种说不清的累

57
00:01:48,535 --> 00:01:51,745
阿德勒管这种累叫人际关系的烦恼

58
00:01:52,055 --> 00:01:53,764
他甚至说了句很绝的话

59
00:01:54,255 --> 00:01:55,294
一切烦恼

60
00:01:55,296 --> 00:01:57,305
都是人际关系的烦恼

61
00:01:57,656 --> 00:01:59,745
这句话你第一次听觉得夸张

62
00:02:00,175 --> 00:02:02,264
想想自己那些睡不好的夜晚

63
00:02:02,335 --> 00:02:06,704
大部分还真是因为某个人说了什么 或者没说什么

64
00:02:07,135 --> 00:02:07,484
今天

65
00:02:07,816 --> 00:02:09,615
我们用佛学的显微镜

66
00:02:09,616 --> 00:02:11,574
在阿德勒停下来的地方

67
00:02:11,575 --> 00:02:13,114
再往前走一步

68
00:02:13,345 --> 00:02:15,635
先从书里一个很小的例子说起

69
00:02:15,905 --> 00:02:16,734
书里有个女孩

70
00:02:17,065 --> 00:02:18,394
一见人就脸红

71
00:02:18,465 --> 00:02:20,274
她说想治好这个毛病

72
00:02:20,386 --> 00:02:20,934
哲人说

73
00:02:21,185 --> 00:02:22,274
你搞反了

74
00:02:22,305 --> 00:02:24,554
不是因为害羞所以脸红

75
00:02:24,706 --> 00:02:26,864
是因为你需要脸红这个理由

76
00:02:26,866 --> 00:02:28,355
让自己不往前走

77
00:02:28,546 --> 00:02:29,934
脸红给了你一个台阶

78
00:02:30,345 --> 00:02:30,945
你看

79
00:02:30,946 --> 00:02:32,475
我天生容易紧张

80
00:02:32,505 --> 00:02:34,355
所以我没办法面对别人

81
00:02:34,546 --> 00:02:35,815
脸红不是原因

82
00:02:36,106 --> 00:02:37,605
是工具

83
00:02:37,837 --> 00:02:40,686
这就是阿德勒和弗洛伊德最根本的分歧

84
00:02:40,877 --> 00:02:43,355
弗洛伊德说人是被过去推着走的

85
00:02:43,356 --> 00:02:44,755
你今天这个样子

86
00:02:44,757 --> 00:02:46,845
是因为你小时候发生了什么

87
00:02:46,916 --> 00:02:48,165
阿德勒说不对

88
00:02:48,277 --> 00:02:50,075
人不是被过去推着走的

89
00:02:50,076 --> 00:02:51,926
人是被目的拉着走的

90
00:02:51,997 --> 00:02:54,686
你不是因为受过伤所以不敢社交

91
00:02:54,757 --> 00:02:56,276
你是因为不想社交

92
00:02:56,277 --> 00:02:58,086
才一直抓着那个伤不放

93
00:02:58,396 --> 00:03:00,315
过去发生的事是真实的

94
00:03:00,317 --> 00:03:01,676
但你怎么使用它

95
00:03:01,676 --> 00:03:03,518
是你现在的选择

96
00:03:03,989 --> 00:03:05,798
你可能也有过这种时候

97
00:03:06,188 --> 00:03:08,677
某件事明明过去很久了

98
00:03:08,748 --> 00:03:10,397
可你一遍一遍地讲

99
00:03:10,669 --> 00:03:12,157
不是真的在回忆

100
00:03:12,269 --> 00:03:14,277
是在拿那段记忆当盾牌

101
00:03:14,389 --> 00:03:16,397
挡住当下需要面对的东西

102
00:03:16,788 --> 00:03:17,818
你不是走不出来

103
00:03:18,109 --> 00:03:19,437
你是不想出来

104
00:03:19,549 --> 00:03:23,181
因为出来意味着你再也没有理由站在原地了

105
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,290
这个观点放到佛学里

106
00:03:25,291 --> 00:03:27,100
有个非常精确的对应

107
00:03:27,372 --> 00:03:29,480
唯识学说种子生现行

108
00:03:29,851 --> 00:03:31,340
现行熏种子

109
00:03:31,532 --> 00:03:32,201
什么意思呢

110
00:03:32,652 --> 00:03:35,410
过去的经验确实在你心里埋了种子

111
00:03:35,411 --> 00:03:36,421
这是真的

112
00:03:36,611 --> 00:03:38,121
但种子会不会发芽

113
00:03:38,532 --> 00:03:39,861
发出什么样的芽

114
00:03:39,972 --> 00:03:42,100
取决于你当下浇什么水

115
00:03:42,411 --> 00:03:44,461
过去的种子不是判决书

116
00:03:44,571 --> 00:03:46,581
它只是土里的一粒种子

117
00:03:46,731 --> 00:03:47,840
你今天的选择

118
00:03:48,092 --> 00:03:49,371
你今天的注意力

119
00:03:49,372 --> 00:03:50,970
你今天浇下去的水

120
00:03:50,972 --> 00:03:52,780
才决定它长成什么

121
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:56,421
阿德勒在心理学层面说了半天的目的论

122
00:03:56,492 --> 00:03:58,880
唯识学用十个字就讲完了

123
00:03:59,252 --> 00:04:00,480
现行熏种子

124
00:04:00,812 --> 00:04:02,380
种子生现行

125
00:04:03,131 --> 00:04:04,820
一个是当下的活水

126
00:04:04,891 --> 00:04:06,461
一个是过去的土壤

127
00:04:06,731 --> 00:04:08,260
缺了谁都不行

128
00:04:08,731 --> 00:04:10,241
但你唯一能动手的

129
00:04:10,571 --> 00:04:11,861
永远是活水

130
00:04:12,601 --> 00:04:12,790
好

131
00:04:13,201 --> 00:04:14,331
这只是热身

132
00:04:14,642 --> 00:04:16,720
书里真正让人炸开的概念

133
00:04:16,721 --> 00:04:17,971
叫课题分离

134
00:04:18,202 --> 00:04:20,651
这四个字是全书的中轴线

135
00:04:20,921 --> 00:04:22,991
课题分离的判断标准只有一条

136
00:04:23,561 --> 00:04:25,161
这件事的最终后果

137
00:04:25,161 --> 00:04:26,111
由谁来承担

138
00:04:26,801 --> 00:04:27,830
谁承担后果

139
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,884
这件事就是谁的课题

140
00:04:30,235 --> 00:04:31,634
你的孩子不写作业

141
00:04:31,636 --> 00:04:33,795
最终考试考砸的是孩子

142
00:04:33,795 --> 00:04:34,605
不是你

143
00:04:34,795 --> 00:04:37,514
所以写不写作业是孩子的课题

144
00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:38,405
不是你的

145
00:04:38,836 --> 00:04:40,064
你可以告诉他后果

146
00:04:40,396 --> 00:04:41,684
你可以给他支持

147
00:04:41,756 --> 00:04:43,405
但你不能替他做决定

148
00:04:43,475 --> 00:04:45,244
因为后果不是你扛的

149
00:04:45,516 --> 00:04:47,405
你的同事工作态度差

150
00:04:47,475 --> 00:04:50,525
最终受影响的是同事的职业发展

151
00:04:50,675 --> 00:04:51,504
你可以反馈

152
00:04:51,795 --> 00:04:53,405
但你不能替他负责任

153
00:04:53,636 --> 00:04:56,074
你的父母对你的职业选择不满意

154
00:04:56,076 --> 00:04:58,085
他们难过是他们的课题

155
00:04:58,155 --> 00:05:00,085
你的人生是你的课题

156
00:05:00,276 --> 00:05:01,314
这不是冷漠

157
00:05:01,316 --> 00:05:04,518
这是把东西放回该放的位置

158
00:05:05,028 --> 00:05:07,477
这个概念翻译成佛学的语言

159
00:05:07,549 --> 00:05:09,117
就是因果自负

160
00:05:09,508 --> 00:05:10,417
你种什么因

161
00:05:10,669 --> 00:05:12,078
你自己收什么果

162
00:05:12,388 --> 00:05:13,218
我种什么因

163
00:05:13,549 --> 00:05:15,117
我自己收什么果

164
00:05:15,309 --> 00:05:17,318
你的因果账本是你的

165
00:05:17,348 --> 00:05:19,318
我的因果账本是我的

166
00:05:19,508 --> 00:05:20,737
我可以给你善缘

167
00:05:21,189 --> 00:05:22,787
但我替不了你种因

168
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:24,275
也拦不住你收果

169
00:05:24,545 --> 00:05:26,345
杂阿含经 里有一个故事

170
00:05:26,345 --> 00:05:27,395
非常直接

171
00:05:27,785 --> 00:05:30,754
佛陀在舍卫国东园鹿子母讲堂

172
00:05:30,985 --> 00:05:32,674
早上进城乞食

173
00:05:33,186 --> 00:05:34,855
有一个姓婆罗豆婆遮

174
00:05:35,225 --> 00:05:37,035
人称健骂的婆罗门

175
00:05:37,345 --> 00:05:38,715
远远看见佛陀

176
00:05:38,785 --> 00:05:41,835
当面用最难听的话骂他 呵斥他

177
00:05:42,066 --> 00:05:44,874
还抓起地上的土朝佛陀身上撒

178
00:05:45,306 --> 00:05:47,674
结果那天刚好起了逆风

179
00:05:48,025 --> 00:05:50,114
风把土全吹了回去

180
00:05:50,146 --> 00:05:51,955
落了婆罗门自己一身

181
00:05:53,029 --> 00:05:54,378
佛陀说了一首偈子

182
00:05:54,868 --> 00:05:56,198
若人无瞋恨

183
00:05:56,349 --> 00:05:57,418
骂辱以加者

184
00:05:57,828 --> 00:05:59,238
清净无结垢

185
00:05:59,388 --> 00:06:00,878
彼恶还归己

186
00:06:00,988 --> 00:06:02,058
犹如土坌彼

187
00:06:02,469 --> 00:06:03,957
逆风还自污

188
00:06:04,269 --> 00:06:05,178
你骂出去的话

189
00:06:05,469 --> 00:06:06,258
对方不接

190
00:06:06,628 --> 00:06:07,217
它归谁

191
00:06:07,589 --> 00:06:08,438
归你自己

192
00:06:08,789 --> 00:06:09,818
你撒出去的土

193
00:06:10,109 --> 00:06:10,657
风一吹

194
00:06:11,029 --> 00:06:11,897
落在谁身上

195
00:06:12,269 --> 00:06:13,678
落在你自己身上

196
00:06:13,988 --> 00:06:15,118
这不是鸡汤

197
00:06:15,308 --> 00:06:19,178
佛陀用一阵风演示了课题分离最原始的版本

198
00:06:19,709 --> 00:06:20,918
你扔出去的东西

199
00:06:21,029 --> 00:06:22,558
对方有权不接

200
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:23,137
不接

201
00:06:23,428 --> 00:06:24,678
它就还是你的

202
00:06:24,868 --> 00:06:28,798
这个故事比 被讨厌的勇气 早了两千四五百年

203
00:06:28,988 --> 00:06:31,118
阿德勒用心理学的语言说

204
00:06:31,188 --> 00:06:33,358
你不必为别人的反应负责

205
00:06:34,109 --> 00:06:35,918
佛陀用一阵逆风说

206
00:06:36,109 --> 00:06:37,637
你自己产出的东西

207
00:06:37,828 --> 00:06:40,104
最终还是你自己的

208
00:06:40,375 --> 00:06:42,264
书里还有一个概念没有明说

209
00:06:42,296 --> 00:06:44,334
但藏在课题分离下面

210
00:06:44,336 --> 00:06:45,664
叫认可欲求

211
00:06:45,896 --> 00:06:46,485
阿德勒说

212
00:06:46,935 --> 00:06:48,704
不要活在别人的期待里

213
00:06:48,856 --> 00:06:49,685
你做一件事

214
00:06:50,015 --> 00:06:51,865
不是为了让谁竖大拇指

215
00:06:52,015 --> 00:06:54,485
可是为什么我们那么难放下别人的认可

216
00:06:55,015 --> 00:06:55,805
你仔细想想

217
00:06:56,176 --> 00:06:57,414
每次有人夸你

218
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:59,005
你心里是不是会轻松一点

219
00:06:59,495 --> 00:07:02,065
那一下轻松不是因为你变厉害了

220
00:07:02,096 --> 00:07:04,144
是因为有人确认了你的存在

221
00:07:04,416 --> 00:07:06,024
那个需要被确认的东西

222
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:08,784
就是末那识在背后抓着的那个我

223
00:07:09,015 --> 00:07:10,005
我需要被看见

224
00:07:10,296 --> 00:07:11,505
我需要被肯定

225
00:07:11,615 --> 00:07:12,764
我需要有人告诉我

226
00:07:12,976 --> 00:07:13,985
我是好的

227
00:07:14,656 --> 00:07:15,774
这不是虚荣

228
00:07:15,776 --> 00:07:18,584
这是一个非常深的心理结构在运转

229
00:07:18,935 --> 00:07:21,464
课题分离教你行为上的边界

230
00:07:21,536 --> 00:07:23,224
但认可欲求这个东西

231
00:07:23,296 --> 00:07:24,894
它不在行为层面

232
00:07:24,896 --> 00:07:27,024
它在你对自我的认知层面

233
00:07:27,135 --> 00:07:29,305
后面我们会回来说它

234
00:07:29,656 --> 00:07:30,326
讲到这里

235
00:07:30,456 --> 00:07:31,446
可能有人要问了

236
00:07:31,656 --> 00:07:33,766
那我是不是从此以后谁都不管了

237
00:07:34,057 --> 00:07:35,326
反正是别人的课题

238
00:07:35,456 --> 00:07:36,245
关我什么事

239
00:07:36,937 --> 00:07:40,745
这本书的很多读者确实读到了这个地方就停了

240
00:07:40,937 --> 00:07:41,805
课题分离嘛

241
00:07:42,136 --> 00:07:43,216
你的事你管

242
00:07:43,216 --> 00:07:44,006
我的事我管

243
00:07:44,257 --> 00:07:46,105
大家井水不犯河水

244
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:48,473
可这不是岸见一郎的意思

245
00:07:48,824 --> 00:07:51,793
书的后半段花了大量篇幅讲一个概念

246
00:07:51,824 --> 00:07:53,432
叫共同体感觉

247
00:07:53,584 --> 00:07:54,173
阿德勒说

248
00:07:54,543 --> 00:07:56,153
人不是孤立的个体

249
00:07:56,223 --> 00:07:58,112
人是嵌在共同体里的

250
00:07:58,264 --> 00:08:00,333
真正的幸福感来自一种感觉

251
00:08:00,704 --> 00:08:03,112
我对这个共同体是有贡献的

252
00:08:03,223 --> 00:08:03,572
注意

253
00:08:03,824 --> 00:08:05,343
他说的是贡献感

254
00:08:05,343 --> 00:08:06,632
不是贡献本身

255
00:08:06,783 --> 00:08:07,612
区别在哪里

256
00:08:07,944 --> 00:08:11,312
贡献需要被看见 被认可 被表扬

257
00:08:11,423 --> 00:08:12,952
贡献感不需要

258
00:08:12,983 --> 00:08:13,853
你帮了一个人

259
00:08:14,103 --> 00:08:15,463
他不知道是你帮的

260
00:08:15,463 --> 00:08:16,952
你心里一样踏实

261
00:08:16,983 --> 00:08:17,773
这个踏实感

262
00:08:17,983 --> 00:08:19,312
不依赖别人的回馈

263
00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:22,178
佛学把这件事说得更彻底

264
00:08:22,490 --> 00:08:24,118
有一个概念叫三轮体空

265
00:08:24,490 --> 00:08:25,159
什么意思呢

266
00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:26,978
就是做善事的时候

267
00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:28,478
内心不住着三个东西

268
00:08:29,010 --> 00:08:30,899
我在做善事的这个我

269
00:08:31,250 --> 00:08:33,259
对方接受善事的那个人

270
00:08:33,449 --> 00:08:36,058
以及我做的这件善事本身

271
00:08:36,289 --> 00:08:38,218
三样东西都不执着

272
00:08:38,610 --> 00:08:40,519
了凡四训里有一句话说得好

273
00:08:40,970 --> 00:08:42,048
内不见己

274
00:08:42,049 --> 00:08:42,718
外不见人

275
00:08:43,049 --> 00:08:44,739
中不见所施之物

276
00:08:44,769 --> 00:08:45,999
是谓三轮体空

277
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:48,058
是谓一心清净

278
00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:51,458
阿德勒说贡献感不需要被认可

279
00:08:51,689 --> 00:08:52,958
佛学再走一步

280
00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,458
连贡献感这个感觉本身

281
00:08:55,490 --> 00:08:56,739
都可以被松开

282
00:08:57,049 --> 00:08:57,678
你做了

283
00:08:57,970 --> 00:08:59,619
你不觉得自己做了

284
00:09:00,330 --> 00:09:01,078
不是装的

285
00:09:01,289 --> 00:09:03,218
是真的没在心里记一笔

286
00:09:03,450 --> 00:09:06,659
阿德勒走到不需要别人看见就停下来了

287
00:09:06,689 --> 00:09:07,938
这已经了不起

288
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,879
佛学从这里继续往前

289
00:09:10,330 --> 00:09:12,818
连我不需要别人看见这个姿态

290
00:09:12,929 --> 00:09:14,314
都可以放下

291
00:09:14,665 --> 00:09:14,853
好

292
00:09:15,224 --> 00:09:17,034
现在到了最关键的地方

293
00:09:17,425 --> 00:09:20,674
这本书从头到尾都在教你画一条线

294
00:09:21,265 --> 00:09:23,154
线这边是你的课题

295
00:09:23,265 --> 00:09:25,353
线那边是别人的课题

296
00:09:25,584 --> 00:09:27,154
这条线很重要

297
00:09:27,344 --> 00:09:30,513
有些人活了半辈子都没学会画这条线

298
00:09:30,864 --> 00:09:32,544
他们把自己的价值

299
00:09:32,545 --> 00:09:34,054
建立在别人的评价上

300
00:09:34,665 --> 00:09:35,733
把自己的情绪

301
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:37,993
绑定在别人的脸色上

302
00:09:38,385 --> 00:09:39,174
没有这条线

303
00:09:39,545 --> 00:09:40,873
他们会被吸干

304
00:09:41,265 --> 00:09:43,954
但如果你真的学会了画这条线

305
00:09:44,265 --> 00:09:46,534
有一天你会突然想到一个问题

306
00:09:47,265 --> 00:09:47,814
这条线

307
00:09:48,265 --> 00:09:49,133
是谁画的

308
00:09:50,498 --> 00:09:52,226
这是阿德勒没问的问题

309
00:09:52,697 --> 00:09:55,466
他教你分清你的课题和别人的课题

310
00:09:55,537 --> 00:09:56,247
但他没有问

311
00:09:56,657 --> 00:09:59,826
那个站在线这边 自称我的这个存在

312
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:00,527
它是什么

313
00:10:00,937 --> 00:10:02,806
它凭什么是一个固定的边界

314
00:10:03,457 --> 00:10:06,066
唯识学对这个问题有个很精确的回答

315
00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:06,647
它说

316
00:10:07,018 --> 00:10:09,027
我们的意识深处有一个东西

317
00:10:09,098 --> 00:10:10,267
叫末那识

318
00:10:10,457 --> 00:10:11,627
也叫第七识

319
00:10:11,978 --> 00:10:13,926
大乘入楞伽经 里有一个偈子

320
00:10:14,457 --> 00:10:15,826
意从赖耶生

321
00:10:15,978 --> 00:10:17,387
识依末那起

322
00:10:17,697 --> 00:10:19,287
末那识干的事只有一件

323
00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:23,297
从阿赖耶识那片广大的 未分别的海里

324
00:10:23,297 --> 00:10:24,297
抓出一块来

325
00:10:24,297 --> 00:10:25,007
盖上一个戳

326
00:10:25,338 --> 00:10:25,527
说

327
00:10:25,898 --> 00:10:26,706
这是我

328
00:10:27,138 --> 00:10:29,306
它是所有边界感的出生地

329
00:10:30,138 --> 00:10:31,167
你觉得你是你

330
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:32,667
别人是别人

331
00:10:33,057 --> 00:10:34,456
你的课题是你的

332
00:10:34,457 --> 00:10:36,147
别人的课题是别人的

333
00:10:36,457 --> 00:10:37,206
这些分别

334
00:10:37,618 --> 00:10:39,442
全是末那识画的

335
00:10:39,754 --> 00:10:40,623
这是我的推论

336
00:10:40,913 --> 00:10:42,523
不是岸见一郎写的

337
00:10:42,593 --> 00:10:44,163
但我觉得值得想

338
00:10:44,593 --> 00:10:47,883
课题分离在世俗层面是绝对必要的

339
00:10:48,034 --> 00:10:49,643
如果你不画这条线

340
00:10:49,673 --> 00:10:52,403
你会成为情感吸血鬼的提款机

341
00:10:52,673 --> 00:10:55,602
你会替每一个人扛他自己该扛的东西

342
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:57,322
扛到你自己垮掉

343
00:10:57,634 --> 00:11:00,082
所以你必须先学会画线

344
00:11:00,514 --> 00:11:02,082
可是画完线以后

345
00:11:02,154 --> 00:11:03,862
佛学会温和地问你一句

346
00:11:04,313 --> 00:11:06,082
你看看画线的那只手

347
00:11:06,354 --> 00:11:08,602
那只手也是依他起的

348
00:11:08,634 --> 00:11:10,803
也是因缘和合生出来的

349
00:11:10,833 --> 00:11:15,599
它本身没有一个固定的 不变的 独立存在的实体

350
00:11:16,029 --> 00:11:17,359
佛学讲二谛

351
00:11:17,790 --> 00:11:18,859
世俗谛告诉你

352
00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:20,278
这条线该画

353
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:21,059
不画

354
00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:22,678
你保护不了自己

355
00:11:23,109 --> 00:11:24,178
胜义谛告诉你

356
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:26,398
这条线是画出来的

357
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,359
不是天生长在那里的

358
00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:29,339
你看到了线

359
00:11:29,749 --> 00:11:31,359
也看到了画线的手

360
00:11:31,550 --> 00:11:34,319
你就不会把线当成铜墙铁壁

361
00:11:34,790 --> 00:11:35,459
你画它

362
00:11:35,950 --> 00:11:37,998
但你知道它是你画的

363
00:11:38,190 --> 00:11:38,859
你守它

364
00:11:39,229 --> 00:11:41,293
但你不会死在它上面

365
00:11:41,605 --> 00:11:43,004
有一位观众问过

366
00:11:43,004 --> 00:11:45,854
面对身边那种不断索取存在感的人

367
00:11:45,925 --> 00:11:47,633
佛学和定力怎么帮到你

368
00:11:48,284 --> 00:11:49,033
我的回答是

369
00:11:49,445 --> 00:11:51,734
先用课题分离保护自己

370
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,053
他的情绪是他的课题

371
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:56,374
你没有义务替他填满那个洞

372
00:11:56,644 --> 00:11:58,454
你可以出于善意帮他

373
00:11:58,565 --> 00:11:59,933
但那是你的选择

374
00:11:59,965 --> 00:12:01,173
不是你的义务

375
00:12:01,284 --> 00:12:03,214
这条线一定要画清楚

376
00:12:03,484 --> 00:12:03,913
然后

377
00:12:04,205 --> 00:12:05,334
有余力的时候

378
00:12:05,404 --> 00:12:06,273
回头看一眼

379
00:12:06,605 --> 00:12:08,234
你为什么那么怕被讨厌

380
00:12:08,764 --> 00:12:09,234
那个怕

381
00:12:09,644 --> 00:12:11,053
不是别人给你的

382
00:12:11,085 --> 00:12:13,094
是你自己心里的末那识

383
00:12:13,164 --> 00:12:16,113
在拼命守一个叫我的边界

384
00:12:16,665 --> 00:12:17,694
还有朋友追问

385
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:18,973
谁在修行

386
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,294
谁在观照

387
00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,414
我在这里的这个第一人称从哪里来

388
00:12:24,065 --> 00:12:26,593
这正好是课题分离的尽头

389
00:12:26,944 --> 00:12:30,554
阿德勒教你在我和他之间画一条线

390
00:12:30,864 --> 00:12:32,753
但他没有问我是什么

391
00:12:32,944 --> 00:12:34,993
佛学不急着回答这个问题

392
00:12:35,305 --> 00:12:36,214
它只是让你看

393
00:12:36,704 --> 00:12:37,814
你仔细找一找

394
00:12:38,145 --> 00:12:39,454
那个我在哪里

395
00:12:39,984 --> 00:12:41,233
你找遍五蕴

396
00:12:41,305 --> 00:12:45,393
找遍身体 感受 想法 意志 意识

397
00:12:45,545 --> 00:12:46,414
每一个都在变

398
00:12:46,905 --> 00:12:48,714
没有一个是固定的我

399
00:12:48,905 --> 00:12:49,973
那个画线的手

400
00:12:50,305 --> 00:12:52,234
也是缘起的

401
00:12:52,345 --> 00:12:54,834
但这不是让你现在就把线擦掉

402
00:12:55,065 --> 00:12:56,874
该守的界线照样守

403
00:12:57,065 --> 00:12:58,954
世俗生活需要这条线

404
00:12:59,146 --> 00:13:02,234
就像你知道镜子里的那个人是光的折射

405
00:13:02,345 --> 00:13:04,555
不是真有一个人站在镜子里

406
00:13:04,666 --> 00:13:06,114
但你照镜子的时候

407
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,234
还是会用它来整理衣服

408
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,255
知道线是画出来的

409
00:13:10,386 --> 00:13:11,834
不是为了不画线

410
00:13:11,986 --> 00:13:14,755
是为了画得更松弛 更自在

411
00:13:14,786 --> 00:13:17,409
不被自己画的线捆住

412
00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:19,029
优婆塞戒经 里说

413
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:20,519
有智之人

414
00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:21,519
若遇恶骂

415
00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:22,350
当作是念

416
00:13:22,681 --> 00:13:24,569
是骂詈字不一时生

417
00:13:24,681 --> 00:13:26,809
初字出时后字未生

418
00:13:26,841 --> 00:13:28,970
后字生已初字复灭

419
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:29,710
若不一时

420
00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:30,630
云何是骂

421
00:13:31,201 --> 00:13:33,330
你看这段话拆得多细

422
00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:34,510
一句骂人的话

423
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,289
第一个字出来的时候

424
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,809
第二个字还没出来

425
00:13:38,081 --> 00:13:39,409
第二个字出来的时候

426
00:13:39,481 --> 00:13:40,929
第一个字已经灭了

427
00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,330
它们从来没有同时存在过

428
00:13:43,681 --> 00:13:44,389
那这句骂

429
00:13:44,801 --> 00:13:45,630
到底在哪里

430
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,929
你以为有一整句完整的话砸过来

431
00:13:48,961 --> 00:13:50,529
其实从来没有一整句

432
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:55,204
是你的心把散落的音节拼成了一句完整的攻击

433
00:13:55,474 --> 00:13:57,924
这就是课题分离最深的那一层

434
00:13:58,234 --> 00:14:01,003
不只是你的课题和别人的课题要分开

435
00:14:01,155 --> 00:14:03,404
你心里被骂了这件事本身

436
00:14:03,474 --> 00:14:04,924
也可以拆开来看

437
00:14:05,114 --> 00:14:05,743
拆到最后

438
00:14:05,994 --> 00:14:07,674
没有一个完整的攻击

439
00:14:07,675 --> 00:14:09,964
也没有一个完整的被攻击者

440
00:14:10,395 --> 00:14:11,843
这不是哲学游戏

441
00:14:11,954 --> 00:14:13,564
当你真的看到这一层

442
00:14:13,714 --> 00:14:15,633
下一次有人冲你扔一把土

443
00:14:15,635 --> 00:14:18,404
你心里吹起的逆风会轻很多

444
00:14:18,834 --> 00:14:20,314
不是忍住不生气

445
00:14:20,315 --> 00:14:22,308
是真的没什么可气的

446
00:14:22,578 --> 00:14:24,227
回到开头那个场景

447
00:14:24,499 --> 00:14:26,388
那句让你翻了一夜的话

448
00:14:26,539 --> 00:14:27,607
它是谁的课题

449
00:14:28,338 --> 00:14:29,987
是说那句话的人的

450
00:14:30,419 --> 00:14:31,568
他的话扔出来

451
00:14:31,858 --> 00:14:33,308
你本来可以不接

452
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:34,627
你接了

453
00:14:34,659 --> 00:14:36,568
是因为你心里有一个声音在说

454
00:14:36,938 --> 00:14:37,607
他说得对

455
00:14:37,938 --> 00:14:39,428
我确实不够好

456
00:14:39,899 --> 00:14:40,568
那个声音

457
00:14:40,938 --> 00:14:42,948
才是你真正要面对的

458
00:14:43,218 --> 00:14:44,347
不是那句话

459
00:14:44,578 --> 00:14:47,484
是你替那句话当了担保人

460
00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:50,484
下一次你又被一句话压住的时候

461
00:14:50,595 --> 00:14:51,624
试着问自己一个问题

462
00:14:52,195 --> 00:14:53,104
这件事的后果

463
00:14:53,355 --> 00:14:54,545
最终由谁承担

464
00:14:55,036 --> 00:14:55,994
如果不是你

465
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:58,325
那你手里拿的就是别人的包袱

466
00:14:58,355 --> 00:14:59,555
你可以放下来

467
00:14:59,555 --> 00:15:00,504
先学会画线

468
00:15:00,876 --> 00:15:01,724
保护自己

469
00:15:01,955 --> 00:15:02,704
然后有一天

470
00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,960
回头看看画线的那只手

471
00:15:05,230 --> 00:15:06,669
你在人际关系里

472
00:15:06,671 --> 00:15:09,340
有没有替别人扛过不属于自己的课题

473
00:15:09,831 --> 00:15:11,060
你是怎么意识到的

474
00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:12,419
又是怎么放下的

475
00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:15,207
我很想在评论区听听你的故事

476
00:15:15,644 --> 00:15:16,274
我是王利杰

477
00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:17,312
我们下期见