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Are you a terminal station for emotions,

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or just a transfer station?

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Imagine this scenario:

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A man gets yelled at by his boss at work.

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He holds it in,

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smiles, and says, "Okay, I'll fix it."

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He gets home after work,

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and his wife says,

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"Why did you forget the groceries again?"

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He suddenly explodes.

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He throws down his chopsticks,

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and shouts, "Can you just leave me alone!"

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The wife is stunned.

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Her eyes well up with tears.

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She has no idea where this anger came from.

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During dinner,

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the wife has a long face.

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The child says timidly,

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"Mom, I got an 85 on the test."

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The wife doesn't look up,

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and says coldly,

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"How can you even mention an 85?"

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The child goes back to his room,

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closes the door,

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and crumples the test paper into a ball.

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The next day at school,

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he pushes a younger classmate.

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This emotion,

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started with the boss,

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passed through the husband,

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passed through the wife,

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and finally landed on a child.

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No one did it on purpose,

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but emotion is like water—

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it always finds an outlet.

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Hello,

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everyone,

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I am Wang Lijie.

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Today's inspiration comes from a viewer's comment.

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He said something

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that I re-read several times,

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finding it more precise than many self-help books.

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He said,

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"Everyone has emotions.

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If emotions aren't channeled,

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they get blocked in your body.

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Many people play the 'nice guy' outside,

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but vent their emotions on their partners at home.

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Some who can't win an argument with their partner

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vent their emotions on their children.

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It seems like through venting,

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emotions move from your body to someone else's.

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But you develop a habit of venting.

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You remain good-tempered with strangers,

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but become increasingly uncontrollable with family."

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Then he said something that deeply moved me.

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He said,

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"The meaning of self-cultivation

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is to let emotions stop with you."

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No matter where the negative energy comes from,

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when it reaches me,

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it hits the terminal station.

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The 'terminal station.'

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These words are so accurate.

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Today, I want to expand on this viewpoint:

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Why do emotions need an outlet?

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What is our default outlet?

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How dangerous is this default mode?

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And,

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what are the truly effective ways to resolve emotions?

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First, something you might not realize:

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Emotions are energy.

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This isn't a spiritual concept;

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it's a basic fact of neuroscience.

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When you are angry,

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your sympathetic nervous system is activated.

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Adrenaline and cortisol flood your system.

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Your heart rate accelerates,

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blood pressure rises,

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and muscles tense up.

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These are real physiological changes;

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actual energy building up inside your body.

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Once this energy is activated,

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it won't just vanish on its own.

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It has to go somewhere.

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In the animal kingdom, it's simple.

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When a lion chases an antelope,

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the act of running consumes that energy.

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After escaping,

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it stands there shivering for a few minutes.

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That's not fear;

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it's the body releasing residual stress energy.

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Once the shaking stops,

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the antelope has fully recovered

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and goes back to grazing

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as if nothing ever happened.

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But humans can't do that.

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Social rules don't allow you to release it immediately.

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If your boss yells at you,

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you can't yell back.

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If a client makes things difficult,

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you can't flip the table.

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If someone cuts you off on the road,

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at most, you honk your horn.

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Your body is primed for fight or flight,

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but you have nowhere to go.

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The energy gets trapped inside you.

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Then you go home.

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What is home?

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It's the only place where you don't have to wear a mask.

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The cost of getting angry is lowest at home.

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Your partner won't quit just because you shouted;

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your child won't leave because you broke a bowl.

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So, family becomes your emotional outlet.

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It's not because you don't love them.

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On the contrary,

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it's because you feel they won't leave

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that you dare to drop your guard in front of them.

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Psychology calls this the Kick the Cat effect.

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A man is scolded by his boss,

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goes home and takes it out on his wife.

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The wife snaps at the child,

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and the child kicks the cat.

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Emotional energy doesn't disappear;

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it flows down the gradient of power,

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eventually hitting the one least able to fight back.

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But there's something scarier than this effect,

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which most people don't realize:

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this pattern can become hardwired.

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When you repeatedly dump emotions on your family,

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your brain forms an automatic neural pathway.

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Endure stress outside,

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release stress at home.

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This circuit becomes smoother and smoother.

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It's like water carving out a trench;

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the deeper the trench gets,

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the harder it is for water to flow any other way.

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You'll notice a bizarre phenomenon:

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Outside,

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you become more and more patient.

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At home,

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you become more and more irritable.

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Colleagues say you have a great temper,

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but your family feels you're a ticking time bomb.

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It's not that you're two-faced;

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it's that your brain made home the only release valve.

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The deeper problem lies in the next layer.

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Your partner absorbs your emotions,

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triggering the same stress response in her.

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She also needs an outlet.

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If she dumps it downward in the same way,

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the child becomes the ultimate recipient.

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A child's brain is still developing.

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His amygdala is already very active,

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but his prefrontal cortex isn't fully formed.

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The amygdala is the emotional alarm;

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the prefrontal cortex is the emotional brake.

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A system with a full alarm but no brakes—

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imagine what that looks like.

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When a child is constantly subjected to parental venting...

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Their nervous system will be reprogrammed.

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What they learn isn't a specific set of words,

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but an underlying program: when stress hits,

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find someone weaker and dump it on them.

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This programming grows with them.

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They bully younger kids at school;

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as adults, they take their anger out on partners;

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and once they have children of their own,

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they pass the same program to the next generation.

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This isn't just my speculation.

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In the 1990s,

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the CDC and Kaiser Permanente conducted a study of over 10,000 adults.

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It was a large-scale study

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called the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study.

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One of the conclusions was that

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those exposed to chronic family emotional abuse as children

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had a probability of depression, anxiety, and chronic illness in adulthood

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two to four times higher than others.

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Furthermore,

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once these people become parents,

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they are significantly more likely to repeat the same patterns with their own children.

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Emotional violence

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can be hereditary.

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Not through genes,

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but through the replication of nervous system patterns.

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At this point, you might ask,

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"What should I do?"

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"Should I just hold back my anger?"

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No.

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Holding it in

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is one of the most dangerous things you can do.

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What is the essence of suppression?

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It is repression.

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You push that energy down,

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but it doesn't disappear;

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it gets stuffed into some corner of your body.

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Over time,

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it will explode in another form.

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For some, it manifests as sudden rage—

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blowing up over something trivial for no apparent reason.

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For others, it explodes inward,

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turning into persistent depression, numbness, or insomnia,

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and even physical illness.

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Chinese medicine says all diseases stem from blocked 'Qi';

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modern psychology says chronic emotional repression and immune decline

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are highly correlated.

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They are describing the same thing.

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Suppressing it is not the solution;

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it just hides the fuse of the time bomb.

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Dumping it on others is wrong,

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and suppressing it within yourself is also wrong.

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So what is the answer?

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It goes back to what that viewer said:

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Let the emotion reach its final stop with you.

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Note that

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the "final stop" isn't a landfill.

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It doesn't mean you just swallow everyone else's emotions.

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A "final stop" means that

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when the emotion reaches you,

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you have the power to bring its energy down to zero.

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It is no longer a force that must be passed on.

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When it reaches you,

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it is seen,

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it is understood,

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and then it quietly dissipates.

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How do you do that?

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That viewer used a very precise description.

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He said,

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"Between sensing and reacting,

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pause for one second."

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This one second

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has a clear counterpart in neuroscience.

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When external stimuli trigger an emotional response,

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the amygdala sounds an alarm almost instantly—

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so fast your conscious mind can't react in time.

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However,

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between the amygdala's alarm and your body's reaction,

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there is a window of about half a second to a second.

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Within this window,

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the prefrontal cortex has a chance to intervene.

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...to re-evaluate this signal.

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The core of spiritual practice

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is to widen this window.

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Professor Matthew Lieberman at UCLA conducted a

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classic brain-imaging experiment.

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When subjects saw angry faces,

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he asked them to describe their feelings in one word.

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The simple act of labeling an emotion

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significantly reduced activity in the amygdala.

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You don't need to analyze the emotion

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or trace it back to its source.

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You only need to notice it

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the moment it arises,

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and say to yourself,

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"This is anger."

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This simple action alone

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can greatly diminish the intensity of that energy.

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Buddhism discovered this mechanism 2,500 years ago.

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Mindfulness of feeling, part of the Four Foundations of Mindfulness,

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is practiced specifically for this.

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When a feeling arises,

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don't follow it,

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don't suppress it,

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just observe it as it is.

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"This is a painful feeling."

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"This is a pleasant feeling."

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"This is a neutral feeling."

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The moment you observe,

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you create a distance between yourself and the feeling.

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With distance,

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you are no longer hijacked by it.

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This is what that viewer meant,

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using observation and awareness

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to collapse negative energy into neutral information.

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The energy is not passed on to others,

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nor is it suppressed within your own body.

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It is seen,

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00:09:43,585 --> 00:09:45,874
and then it naturally dissipates.

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You might say,

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"Easier said

281
00:09:48,465 --> 00:09:49,793
than done."

282
00:09:49,904 --> 00:09:52,033
"When I'm fuming with rage,

283
00:09:52,144 --> 00:09:53,953
there is no half-second window."

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00:09:54,024 --> 00:09:55,354
"I can't stop at all."

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00:09:55,729 --> 00:09:56,528
True.

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00:09:56,784 --> 00:09:58,453
This is why it's called 'practice,'

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00:09:58,664 --> 00:09:59,754
not 'knowledge.'

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Knowledge can be understood in a second.

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Practice is something you must do repeatedly

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until the pause turns from a deliberate act into an instinct.

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It's like learning to drive.

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At first, you must think about every step.

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00:10:15,345 --> 00:10:16,313
After practice,

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00:10:16,345 --> 00:10:18,394
your hands and feet do the right thing automatically.

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00:10:18,745 --> 00:10:20,953
But before your practice is deep enough,

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00:10:21,144 --> 00:10:22,833
you might indeed find it hard to stop.

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What then?

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There's a physical emergency method.

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If you feel your emotions are totally out of control,

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00:10:30,065 --> 00:10:31,153
go to the bathroom,

301
00:10:31,225 --> 00:10:32,333
turn on the cold water,

302
00:10:32,664 --> 00:10:34,234
and splash it on your face.

303
00:10:34,625 --> 00:10:36,073
This isn't a folk remedy.

304
00:10:36,424 --> 00:10:38,183
Cold water stimulating the facial skin

305
00:10:38,184 --> 00:10:42,394
activates an ancient mechanism from our mammalian ancestors

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00:10:42,465 --> 00:10:43,994
called the Dive Reflex.

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When cold water hits the forehead and cheeks,

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the trigeminal nerve signals the brainstem.

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The vagus nerve is activated,

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00:10:52,264 --> 00:10:55,714
and the heart rate drops by 10% to 25% within seconds.

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The parasympathetic nervous system takes over.

312
00:10:58,945 --> 00:10:59,943
In short,

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00:10:59,945 --> 00:11:03,994
your body is forced from 'fight mode' to 'recovery mode.'

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00:11:04,144 --> 00:11:05,783
That rush of energy to your head

315
00:11:05,784 --> 00:11:08,594
is physically intercepted by a splash of cold water.

316
00:11:08,904 --> 00:11:09,953
Have you ever wondered about

317
00:11:09,985 --> 00:11:11,874
that classic movie trope?

318
00:11:12,065 --> 00:11:14,234
A man speaks rudely to a woman,

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00:11:14,264 --> 00:11:15,423
and without a word,

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00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,573
she picks up a glass from the table.

321
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...and splashes water in his face.

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00:11:18,664 --> 00:11:21,634
We used to see this just as a display of attitude,

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00:11:21,705 --> 00:11:23,073
satisfying and cathartic.

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00:11:23,544 --> 00:11:25,024
But now you know,

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00:11:25,024 --> 00:11:27,153
there is a scientific basis for this action.

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00:11:27,625 --> 00:11:28,734
When cold water hits the face,

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00:11:29,024 --> 00:11:30,474
the mammalian dive reflex is triggered.

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00:11:30,504 --> 00:11:31,254
The heart rate drops,

329
00:11:31,544 --> 00:11:33,474
and the sympathetic nervous system is braked.

330
00:11:33,985 --> 00:11:35,303
Splashing that cup of water

331
00:11:35,304 --> 00:11:38,274
is essentially forcing the other person to cool down.

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00:11:39,024 --> 00:11:41,833
So the next time you see this scene in a movie,

333
00:11:41,865 --> 00:11:44,433
you can appreciate it with a fresh perspective.

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00:11:45,264 --> 00:11:47,274
It's not just a substitute for a slap;

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00:11:47,424 --> 00:11:49,754
it's a precise neurological intervention.

336
00:11:50,184 --> 00:11:50,974
But remember,

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00:11:51,264 --> 00:11:52,994
this is only an emergency brake,

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00:11:53,024 --> 00:11:54,433
not the inner work itself.

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00:11:54,745 --> 00:11:58,193
It helps you avoid dumping emotions on your family in the moment,

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00:11:58,304 --> 00:12:01,754
but it doesn't fundamentally change how you process emotions.

341
00:12:02,225 --> 00:12:03,344
Real change

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00:12:03,345 --> 00:12:06,394
still requires practicing within that half-second window.

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00:12:06,904 --> 00:12:10,153
Professor Lazar's team at Harvard found that

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after eight weeks of mindfulness training,

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00:12:12,825 --> 00:12:16,994
subjects showed a significant increase in gray matter density in the prefrontal cortex,

346
00:12:17,065 --> 00:12:19,913
while the amygdala's gray matter density noticeably shrank.

347
00:12:20,264 --> 00:12:21,474
A thicker prefrontal cortex

348
00:12:21,544 --> 00:12:24,033
means your braking performance has improved.

349
00:12:24,304 --> 00:12:25,583
A smaller amygdala

350
00:12:25,585 --> 00:12:29,114
means your alarm system is less likely to be falsely triggered.

351
00:12:29,945 --> 00:12:31,874
It's not that you've become emotionless;

352
00:12:31,945 --> 00:12:35,354
it's that your way of processing emotions has fundamentally changed.

353
00:12:35,664 --> 00:12:38,394
You've turned from a transit station into a terminal station.

354
00:12:38,784 --> 00:12:40,063
When emotions reach you,

355
00:12:40,065 --> 00:12:42,153
you have the power to safely dissolve them,

356
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:44,833
instead of packaging and forwarding them to the next person.

357
00:12:45,144 --> 00:12:46,514
Have you ever thought about this?

358
00:12:46,904 --> 00:12:49,553
If everyone in a family is a transit station,

359
00:12:49,664 --> 00:12:52,553
emotions will circulate endlessly among family members.

360
00:12:53,065 --> 00:12:54,134
The husband passes it to the wife,

361
00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:55,754
the wife passes it to the child,

362
00:12:55,825 --> 00:12:58,594
and the child grows up to pass it to their own partner and children.

363
00:12:58,825 --> 00:13:00,833
This cycle can last for generations,

364
00:13:01,065 --> 00:13:03,114
with no one ever realizing it exists.

365
00:13:03,705 --> 00:13:06,293
But what if one person becomes a terminal station?

366
00:13:06,904 --> 00:13:10,313
If just one person can say when emotion reaches them,

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00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:11,024
"Enough,

368
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:11,933
it stops with me,

369
00:13:12,144 --> 00:13:13,474
it won't be passed on,"

370
00:13:13,664 --> 00:13:15,594
that person breaks the entire cycle.

371
00:13:15,865 --> 00:13:17,754
They don't need to change anyone else;

372
00:13:17,784 --> 00:13:20,553
they only need to change how they process their own emotions.

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00:13:20,945 --> 00:13:23,313
I mentioned in a previous video

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00:13:23,544 --> 00:13:25,953
that the family is a resonance field of energy.

375
00:13:26,304 --> 00:13:29,073
If there is unresolved anger in the parents' hearts,

376
00:13:29,424 --> 00:13:33,033
it doesn't need words or violence;

377
00:13:33,144 --> 00:13:34,504
its mere existence

378
00:13:34,504 --> 00:13:36,793
will manifest in the child.

379
00:13:37,024 --> 00:13:39,634
Children don't just grow up watching what you do;

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00:13:39,664 --> 00:13:43,114
they grow up being influenced by your energy field.

381
00:13:43,345 --> 00:13:45,073
Today's viewer comment

382
00:13:45,105 --> 00:13:47,754
confirms the same thing from another angle.

383
00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:49,874
Negative emotions in a family

384
00:13:49,904 --> 00:13:51,833
never simply vanish into thin air.

385
00:13:52,105 --> 00:13:54,234
They flow between members

386
00:13:54,424 --> 00:13:57,714
until they meet someone capable of stopping them.

387
00:13:57,985 --> 00:13:59,354
That person can be you.

388
00:13:59,945 --> 00:14:01,274
But there is a prerequisite:

389
00:14:01,784 --> 00:14:04,994
You can't be a terminal station by just swallowing it down.

390
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:06,974
Swallowing is not dissolving;

391
00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:08,354
it is burying.

392
00:14:08,865 --> 00:14:11,833
Sooner or later, an even greater emotional outburst will occur.

393
00:14:12,424 --> 00:14:14,553
A true terminal station is transparent.

394
00:14:15,024 --> 00:14:16,094
Emotions pass through you,

395
00:14:16,544 --> 00:14:18,913
leaving no residue behind.

396
00:14:19,264 --> 00:14:20,134
You see it,

397
00:14:20,585 --> 00:14:22,114
you understand its source,

398
00:14:22,264 --> 00:14:24,153
and then you let it go.

399
00:14:24,544 --> 00:14:25,453
Does this require practice?

400
00:14:25,904 --> 00:14:26,913
Of course it does.

401
00:14:27,105 --> 00:14:28,354
But the good news is,

402
00:14:28,384 --> 00:14:32,634
each time you pause in that half-second window,

403
00:14:32,745 --> 00:14:35,433
your neural circuits are rewired a little bit.

404
00:14:35,705 --> 00:14:36,533
Every success

405
00:14:36,825 --> 00:14:38,754
paves the way for the next one.

406
00:14:39,065 --> 00:14:42,953
Next time you feel a surge of anger or resentment,

407
00:14:43,184 --> 00:14:44,594
before you speak,

408
00:14:44,784 --> 00:14:46,514
try to give yourself just one second.

409
00:14:46,945 --> 00:14:48,313
Look at that emotion.

410
00:14:48,664 --> 00:14:49,173
Ask it,

411
00:14:49,664 --> 00:14:50,533
"Where did you come from?"

412
00:14:51,024 --> 00:14:53,374
Are you really angry at this person before you,

413
00:14:53,865 --> 00:14:55,573
or are you just looking for an outlet?

414
00:14:56,184 --> 00:14:58,714
If you can see it in that second,

415
00:14:58,784 --> 00:15:00,274
you have already won half the battle.

416
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:04,114
If you can choose not to pass it on after seeing it,

417
00:15:04,225 --> 00:15:08,073
you are breaking a chain that may have lasted generations.

418
00:15:08,264 --> 00:15:11,714
Spiritual practice is never a luxury meant for sitting alone on a mat;

419
00:15:11,904 --> 00:15:14,073
it is the most precious gift

420
00:15:14,105 --> 00:15:15,514
you can give to your family.

421
00:15:15,904 --> 00:15:17,474
In your life, do you feel

422
00:15:17,504 --> 00:15:19,994
you are more of a terminus for emotions,

423
00:15:20,024 --> 00:15:20,854
or just a transit station?

424
00:15:21,345 --> 00:15:22,433
Let's chat in the comments.

425
00:15:22,745 --> 00:15:23,573
I am Wang Lijie.

426
00:15:23,904 --> 00:15:24,759
See you next time.