Buddha never got angry at his disciples
not because he had a good temper
a viewer left me a message
she said she is a teacher
a few students in her class never get it no matter how she teaches
holding the belief that she must guide every single student well
she often gave them extra tutoring
but every time she explained a problem she ended up furious
she said
I know I should not lose my temper
but they really are so slow
then she said something that made me stop and think for a long time
she said
I feel like I have created so much verbal karma
hello
everyone
I am Leo Wang
in today's episode
I want to talk about this teacher's dilemma
not because it only concerns teachers
but because it concerns everyone who wants to help another person
parents team leaders investors friends who walk beside someone
if you have ever thought
I want to help him become better
you have most likely felt the same anger
let me ask you a question first
the Buddha taught for forty five years
his disciples grew from a handful to thousands
with wildly different capacities
there were ones like Sariputta
who attained the first fruit after a single sentence
and ones like Cudapanthaka
so slow he could not memorize even two lines of verse
his fellow monks all looked down on him
thinking he was not cut out for practice
but search through all the scriptures
you will not find the Buddha losing his temper at a single disciple
not even once
you might say
that is because the Buddha's practice was complete
his realization was high
his temper was good
no
if the Buddha simply had a good temper
then he would just be a teacher with high emotional intelligence
he would not be the Buddha
the Buddha did not get angry
not because he was holding it in
but because within the structure of his consciousness
the trigger for anger simply did not exist
what is that trigger
we will come back to it
first let me tell a Zen story I love
in the Tang dynasty there was a Zen master named Zhaozhou Congshen
he lived to a hundred and twenty
one of the gentlest and sharpest teachers in Zen history
he never struck anyone
he never scolded anyone
but the words he spoke
cut deeper than any stick
one day
two monks came one after another to visit Zhaozhou
Zhaozhou asked the first monk
have you been here before
the monk said
I have
Zhaozhou said
go drink tea
he then asked the second monk
have you been here before
the monk said
I have not
Zhaozhou said
go drink tea
the head monk standing nearby was puzzled
he went and asked Zhaozhou
master
the one who had been here you told him to go drink tea
the one who had not you also told him to go drink tea
what does this mean
Zhaozhou called his name
head monk
the head monk answered
yes
Zhaozhou said
go drink tea
this koan is recorded in volume four of the Compendium of Five Lamps
it has been passed down for over a thousand years
there are many ways to read it
but today I only want to read it through that teacher's dilemma
have you noticed
the question the head monk asked Zhaozhou
is essentially identical to the problem this teacher faces
those who have been here and those who have not
those who learn fast and those who learn slow
those who get it and those who do not
shouldn't your response to them be different
for students with a strong foundation you go deeper
for students with a weak foundation you keep it simple
isn't that teaching according to aptitude
yes
on a technical level
that is completely correct
good teaching of course adapts its method to each student
but Zhaozhou's answer is not on the technical level
he is pointing at something deeper
he is saying
where your response comes from
matters more than what your response is
if your response comes from a discriminating mind
comes from a judgment
those who have been here are one category
those who have not are another
the strong ones deserve more of my time
the weak ones annoy me
then every time you teach according to aptitude
you reinforce that measuring stick inside your mind
you use that ruler to measure your students
and you use the same ruler to measure yourself
when a student meets the standard
you feel you are a good teacher
the ruler gives you a high score
when a student falls short
you feel you have failed
the ruler gives you a low score
then the low score brings anxiety
anxiety brings anger
anger brings verbal karma
verbal karma brings self blame
the whole chain does not start with a slow student
it starts with that ruler
Zhaozhou's go drink tea
is a response with no ruler in it
it is not that he does not care whether you have been here
it is that his response is not hijacked by that
whether you have come
or have not
he responds to you from the same place
that place is called the present moment
not a judgment from the past
not an expectation of the future
just this moment
you are here in front of me
I hand you a cup of tea
alright
now back to that teacher
she said
I hold the belief that I must guide every single student well
listen closely to that sentence
guide every single student well
isn't that a beautiful thought
yes it is
it is compassion driving it
but the problem is
there is a hidden structure inside that thought
take it apart
guide every single student well
there is an I in it
there is a standard of good
there is an attachment to every single one
I do the guiding
good is good as I define it
every single one means zero margin for error
when a student does not progress the way you defined as good
the anger that rises in you
looks like it is aimed at the student
but if you get quiet and observe that anger
you will find its real target is not the student
it is the self who failed to complete the task
you are angry at yourself
the student is only a mirror
reflecting that you have not met the standard you set for yourself
and what is that standard
it is I am a good teacher
I will not give up on any student
that is an identity
an identity you built without noticing
you think you are teaching students
but you are also maintaining an identity
when a student fails to learn
what is threatened is not just the teaching outcome
it is also that identity
in Yogacara
this is called the working of manas consciousness
the function of manas is to constantly defend the boundary of a self
it takes your professional identity your demands on yourself your social role
and binds them all together
then tells you
these things are you
the moment anything shakes them
manas launches a defensive reaction
anger
is one form of that defense
you are not angry at the student
it is manas protecting the self image of good teacher
after more than a decade in investing
I know this mechanism all too well
a company I backed in the early years
the founder drifted off course
I sat him down and talked for three hours
I went through industry trends
user data
competitor analysis
he nodded along to everything
then went back and did exactly as before
a second talk
a third talk
same result
by the fourth time
I lost my temper
I said are you even listening
later one day I got quiet and asked myself
what am I actually angry about
angry that he would not listen
no
angry that I had put in money time and energy
and his performance made me feel I had misjudged him
what I was protecting was not his company
it was the identity of good investor
from then on
I learned one thing
help
just help
once you have helped
the decision is his
not mine
I only offer information and judgment
not emotional blackmail
this is not indifference
this is respect for him as an independent person
the same is true in teaching
this is the real reason the Buddha never got angry
not because he could endure it
but because he had no self image that needed protecting
he taught Sariputta
not to prove he was a good teacher
he taught Cudapanthaka
not to prove he never gave up on anyone
he was simply teaching
the teaching itself was the whole of it
it needed no outcome to prove its worth
this teacher says she knows she should not get angry
but still cannot control it
knowing you should not get angry
is holding it in
she is pressing down on the lid
and we all know
the tighter you press the lid
the more steam builds up
the bigger the blast when it breaks
so what do you do
stop holding it in
and just blow up at your students
no
the way out is not about holding it in or not
it is about seeing where that fire comes from
next time you stand in front of a student
you have explained it three times and he still does not get it
the moment you feel the anger rising
try this
do not rush to push it down
and do not rush to let it out
just look at it
see what shape this anger has
where in your body does it show up
the chest
the temples
a clenched jaw
then ask yourself a question
what am I really afraid of right now
usually you will find
it is not fear that the student will do badly
it is fear that you are not a competent teacher
your anger is not disappointment in the student
it is disappointment in yourself activated by the student
this is not your fault
we were trained this way from childhood
do well and you are a good person
do badly and you are a bad one
this program is written deep into everyone's alaya consciousness
rooted there in the form of seeds
at this point I want to share a psychology experiment
it is fascinating
in nineteen sixty eight
Harvard psychologist Robert Rosenthal published an experiment
it was conducted at an elementary school in California
he gave the students a test
then told the teachers
these students have been assessed
and identified as the ones with the most potential
they will grow explosively in the future
in fact those students were picked at random
with nothing to do with talent
but a year later
the students labeled as high potential
really did improve more on IQ tests than the others
why
because the teachers believed they had potential
that belief changed how the teachers looked at them
changed how the teachers interacted with them
changed how much they tolerated their mistakes
changed the micro expressions and tone they gave them
and students are not fools
they pick up these signals
the teacher thinks I can do it
so I really start believing I can
this experiment is called the Pygmalion effect
it reveals something that sends a chill down your spine
your expectation of a person
changes that person's reality
now flip that finding around
when this teacher feels her students are too slow
that judgment is not just a thought
it is a projection
it travels through your eyes your tone your sighs
the quickening pace of your voice on the third explanation
all of it reaches the student
what signal does the student receive
not I cannot solve this problem
but my teacher thinks I am not good enough
that signal is more powerful than any teaching method
it plants itself straight into the student's alaya consciousness
he will not remember what formula you taught
but he will remember the disappointed look in your eyes
there is a widely cited explanation
called the mirror neuron system
your emotional state travels through nonverbal channels
and is automatically copied by the other person's brain
you are angry
and the student's brain automatically enters defense mode
a brain in defense mode
has its learning channel shut
so the angrier you get
the less he learns
the more anxious you are
the more tense he gets
the more you want to help him
the more he feels he is not good enough
this is a vicious cycle
and the entrance to that cycle is not with the student
it is with you
how do you break it
back to Zhaozhou
go drink tea
go drink tea is not a teaching method
it is a state
it means
I am not hijacked by whether you learn fast or slow
you learn fast
wonderful
let us have tea
you learn slow
also fine
let us have tea
not because I do not care
quite the opposite
precisely because I do care
I do not let my caring become your pressure
real compassion is not I must guide every student well
real compassion is
I allow every student to bloom at their own pace
do these two sentences sound alike to you
the distance between them
is far greater than you think
the first sentence has a subject
I
I must guide them well
this is a project
you are the project manager
the students are your deliverables
failing to learn is a schedule slip
of course you are anxious
in the second sentence that I
steps back into the background
the subject becomes the student
I only provide soil and water
the blooming
follows the seed's own rhythm
this is exactly how the Buddha taught
he did not chase after his disciples
he taught the dharma
if you could take it in you listened
if not you came back next time
he knew every seed has its own time to ripen
Cudapanthaka could not memorize the verses
so the Buddha handed him a broom
and told him to sweep
sweeping
while repeating two words
remove the dust
he swept for a very long time
one day he suddenly understood
the dust is not on the ground
it is in the mind
then he attained arhatship
the Buddha could afford to wait
because he was not in a hurry
he was not in a hurry
because he had no good teacher identity
that needed validation from his students' results
this is the real secret of never getting angry
not stronger endurance
but fewer things that need to be satisfied
we once talked about that cup filled with coffee
what spills out of you
is not decided in that moment
it is what you poured in beforehand
today I want to add one line
among the things you pour in
the one most easily overlooked
is the identity you expect yourself to be
good teacher good parent good leader good partner
there is nothing wrong with these identities
but when they become how you define yourself
when someone's performance shakes them
your reaction is no longer rational
it is instinctive defense
to this teacher
you do not need to become the Buddha to stop getting angry
you only need to see one thing
the fire you unleash on your students
at its deepest is not burning their slowness
it is your fear of not being good enough
once you see this
the fire will not vanish at once
but its nature will change
from a wildfire you cannot control
into a lamp you can observe
then you will notice something interesting
when you stop rushing to make your students learn
they actually start learning
because your ease
reaches them through the mirror neurons
your acceptance
shuts down their defense system
and opens their learning channel
you did nothing extra
you only set down a little of that good teacher identity in your cup
and the air in the classroom changed
your classroom
is your place of practice
every student who does not get it
is a teacher sent to show you what is in your cup
I will even say something that may make you uncomfortable
the students who drive you craziest
are precisely your best teachers
because fast learners trigger nothing in you
only the slow learners
can force out what is hidden deepest in your cup
and let you see it
if your cup holds only a love of knowledge
then whether students learn fast or slow
what spills out of you is patience
but if the cup also holds an I am a good teacher identity
then the moment a student does not cooperate
what spills out is anxiety and anger
this is not a moral problem
it is a structural one
changing the structure
is ten thousand times more effective
than forcing yourself to change your temper
you said you created verbal karma
but have you considered
the very fact that you noticed it
means you have already gone further than most
awareness itself is where practice begins
do not fear the thought arising
fear only noticing it too late
you were not too late
next time the anger comes
do not rush to blame yourself
and do not rush to push it down
just look at it
then pour yourself a cup of tea
go drink tea
this episode I really want to hear from the teachers in the comments
have you ever lost your temper at a student in class
what happened inside your body in that moment
and if you are a student
what did you feel when your teacher got angry
I am Leo Wang
see you next episode