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Buddha never got angry at his disciples

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not because he had a good temper

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a viewer left me a message

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she said she is a teacher

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a few students in her class never get it no matter how she teaches

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holding the belief that she must guide every single student well

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she often gave them extra tutoring

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but every time she explained a problem she ended up furious

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she said

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I know I should not lose my temper

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but they really are so slow

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then she said something that made me stop and think for a long time

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she said

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I feel like I have created so much verbal karma

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hello

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everyone

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I am Leo Wang

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in today's episode

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I want to talk about this teacher's dilemma

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not because it only concerns teachers

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but because it concerns everyone who wants to help another person

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parents team leaders investors friends who walk beside someone

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if you have ever thought

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I want to help him become better

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you have most likely felt the same anger

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let me ask you a question first

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the Buddha taught for forty five years

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his disciples grew from a handful to thousands

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with wildly different capacities

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there were ones like Sariputta

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who attained the first fruit after a single sentence

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and ones like Cudapanthaka

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so slow he could not memorize even two lines of verse

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his fellow monks all looked down on him

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thinking he was not cut out for practice

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but search through all the scriptures

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you will not find the Buddha losing his temper at a single disciple

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not even once

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you might say

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that is because the Buddha's practice was complete

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his realization was high

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his temper was good

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no

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if the Buddha simply had a good temper

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then he would just be a teacher with high emotional intelligence

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he would not be the Buddha

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the Buddha did not get angry

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not because he was holding it in

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but because within the structure of his consciousness

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the trigger for anger simply did not exist

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what is that trigger

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we will come back to it

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first let me tell a Zen story I love

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in the Tang dynasty there was a Zen master named Zhaozhou Congshen

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he lived to a hundred and twenty

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one of the gentlest and sharpest teachers in Zen history

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he never struck anyone

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he never scolded anyone

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but the words he spoke

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cut deeper than any stick

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one day

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two monks came one after another to visit Zhaozhou

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Zhaozhou asked the first monk

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have you been here before

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the monk said

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I have

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Zhaozhou said

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go drink tea

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he then asked the second monk

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have you been here before

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the monk said

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I have not

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Zhaozhou said

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go drink tea

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the head monk standing nearby was puzzled

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he went and asked Zhaozhou

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master

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the one who had been here you told him to go drink tea

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the one who had not you also told him to go drink tea

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what does this mean

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Zhaozhou called his name

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head monk

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the head monk answered

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yes

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Zhaozhou said

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go drink tea

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this koan is recorded in volume four of the Compendium of Five Lamps

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it has been passed down for over a thousand years

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there are many ways to read it

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but today I only want to read it through that teacher's dilemma

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have you noticed

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the question the head monk asked Zhaozhou

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is essentially identical to the problem this teacher faces

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those who have been here and those who have not

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those who learn fast and those who learn slow

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those who get it and those who do not

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shouldn't your response to them be different

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for students with a strong foundation you go deeper

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for students with a weak foundation you keep it simple

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isn't that teaching according to aptitude

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yes

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on a technical level

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that is completely correct

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good teaching of course adapts its method to each student

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but Zhaozhou's answer is not on the technical level

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he is pointing at something deeper

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he is saying

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where your response comes from

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matters more than what your response is

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if your response comes from a discriminating mind

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comes from a judgment

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those who have been here are one category

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those who have not are another

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the strong ones deserve more of my time

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the weak ones annoy me

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then every time you teach according to aptitude

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you reinforce that measuring stick inside your mind

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you use that ruler to measure your students

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and you use the same ruler to measure yourself

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when a student meets the standard

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you feel you are a good teacher

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the ruler gives you a high score

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when a student falls short

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you feel you have failed

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the ruler gives you a low score

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then the low score brings anxiety

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anxiety brings anger

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anger brings verbal karma

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verbal karma brings self blame

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the whole chain does not start with a slow student

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it starts with that ruler

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Zhaozhou's go drink tea

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is a response with no ruler in it

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it is not that he does not care whether you have been here

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it is that his response is not hijacked by that

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whether you have come

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or have not

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he responds to you from the same place

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that place is called the present moment

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not a judgment from the past

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not an expectation of the future

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just this moment

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you are here in front of me

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I hand you a cup of tea

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alright

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now back to that teacher

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she said

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I hold the belief that I must guide every single student well

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listen closely to that sentence

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guide every single student well

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isn't that a beautiful thought

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yes it is

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it is compassion driving it

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but the problem is

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there is a hidden structure inside that thought

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take it apart

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guide every single student well

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there is an I in it

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there is a standard of good

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there is an attachment to every single one

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I do the guiding

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good is good as I define it

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every single one means zero margin for error

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when a student does not progress the way you defined as good

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the anger that rises in you

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looks like it is aimed at the student

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but if you get quiet and observe that anger

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you will find its real target is not the student

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it is the self who failed to complete the task

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you are angry at yourself

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the student is only a mirror

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reflecting that you have not met the standard you set for yourself

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and what is that standard

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it is I am a good teacher

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I will not give up on any student

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that is an identity

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an identity you built without noticing

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you think you are teaching students

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but you are also maintaining an identity

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when a student fails to learn

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what is threatened is not just the teaching outcome

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it is also that identity

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in Yogacara

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this is called the working of manas consciousness

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the function of manas is to constantly defend the boundary of a self

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it takes your professional identity your demands on yourself your social role

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and binds them all together

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then tells you

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these things are you

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the moment anything shakes them

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manas launches a defensive reaction

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anger

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is one form of that defense

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you are not angry at the student

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it is manas protecting the self image of good teacher

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after more than a decade in investing

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I know this mechanism all too well

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a company I backed in the early years

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the founder drifted off course

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I sat him down and talked for three hours

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I went through industry trends

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user data

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competitor analysis

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he nodded along to everything

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then went back and did exactly as before

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a second talk

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a third talk

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same result

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by the fourth time

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I lost my temper

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I said are you even listening

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later one day I got quiet and asked myself

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what am I actually angry about

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angry that he would not listen

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no

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angry that I had put in money time and energy

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and his performance made me feel I had misjudged him

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what I was protecting was not his company

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it was the identity of good investor

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from then on

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I learned one thing

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help

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just help

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once you have helped

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the decision is his

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not mine

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I only offer information and judgment

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not emotional blackmail

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this is not indifference

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this is respect for him as an independent person

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the same is true in teaching

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this is the real reason the Buddha never got angry

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not because he could endure it

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but because he had no self image that needed protecting

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he taught Sariputta

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not to prove he was a good teacher

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he taught Cudapanthaka

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not to prove he never gave up on anyone

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he was simply teaching

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the teaching itself was the whole of it

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it needed no outcome to prove its worth

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this teacher says she knows she should not get angry

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but still cannot control it

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knowing you should not get angry

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is holding it in

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she is pressing down on the lid

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and we all know

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the tighter you press the lid

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the more steam builds up

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the bigger the blast when it breaks

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so what do you do

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stop holding it in

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and just blow up at your students

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no

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the way out is not about holding it in or not

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it is about seeing where that fire comes from

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next time you stand in front of a student

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you have explained it three times and he still does not get it

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the moment you feel the anger rising

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try this

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do not rush to push it down

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and do not rush to let it out

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just look at it

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see what shape this anger has

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where in your body does it show up

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the chest

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the temples

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a clenched jaw

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then ask yourself a question

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what am I really afraid of right now

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usually you will find

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it is not fear that the student will do badly

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it is fear that you are not a competent teacher

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your anger is not disappointment in the student

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it is disappointment in yourself activated by the student

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this is not your fault

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we were trained this way from childhood

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do well and you are a good person

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do badly and you are a bad one

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this program is written deep into everyone's alaya consciousness

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rooted there in the form of seeds

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at this point I want to share a psychology experiment

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it is fascinating

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in nineteen sixty eight

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Harvard psychologist Robert Rosenthal published an experiment

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it was conducted at an elementary school in California

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he gave the students a test

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then told the teachers

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these students have been assessed

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and identified as the ones with the most potential

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they will grow explosively in the future

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in fact those students were picked at random

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with nothing to do with talent

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but a year later

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the students labeled as high potential

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really did improve more on IQ tests than the others

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why

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because the teachers believed they had potential

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that belief changed how the teachers looked at them

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changed how the teachers interacted with them

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changed how much they tolerated their mistakes

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changed the micro expressions and tone they gave them

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and students are not fools

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they pick up these signals

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the teacher thinks I can do it

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so I really start believing I can

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this experiment is called the Pygmalion effect

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it reveals something that sends a chill down your spine

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your expectation of a person

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changes that person's reality

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now flip that finding around

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when this teacher feels her students are too slow

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that judgment is not just a thought

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it is a projection

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it travels through your eyes your tone your sighs

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the quickening pace of your voice on the third explanation

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all of it reaches the student

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what signal does the student receive

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not I cannot solve this problem

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but my teacher thinks I am not good enough

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that signal is more powerful than any teaching method

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it plants itself straight into the student's alaya consciousness

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he will not remember what formula you taught

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but he will remember the disappointed look in your eyes

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there is a widely cited explanation

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called the mirror neuron system

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your emotional state travels through nonverbal channels

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and is automatically copied by the other person's brain

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you are angry

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and the student's brain automatically enters defense mode

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a brain in defense mode

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has its learning channel shut

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so the angrier you get

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the less he learns

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the more anxious you are

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the more tense he gets

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the more you want to help him

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the more he feels he is not good enough

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this is a vicious cycle

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and the entrance to that cycle is not with the student

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it is with you

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how do you break it

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back to Zhaozhou

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go drink tea

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go drink tea is not a teaching method

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it is a state

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it means

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I am not hijacked by whether you learn fast or slow

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you learn fast

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wonderful

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let us have tea

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you learn slow

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also fine

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let us have tea

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not because I do not care

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quite the opposite

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precisely because I do care

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I do not let my caring become your pressure

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real compassion is not I must guide every student well

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real compassion is

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I allow every student to bloom at their own pace

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do these two sentences sound alike to you

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the distance between them

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is far greater than you think

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the first sentence has a subject

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I

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I must guide them well

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this is a project

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you are the project manager

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the students are your deliverables

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failing to learn is a schedule slip

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of course you are anxious

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in the second sentence that I

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steps back into the background

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the subject becomes the student

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I only provide soil and water

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the blooming

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follows the seed's own rhythm

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this is exactly how the Buddha taught

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he did not chase after his disciples

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he taught the dharma

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if you could take it in you listened

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if not you came back next time

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he knew every seed has its own time to ripen

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Cudapanthaka could not memorize the verses

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so the Buddha handed him a broom

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and told him to sweep

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sweeping

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while repeating two words

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remove the dust

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he swept for a very long time

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one day he suddenly understood

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the dust is not on the ground

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it is in the mind

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then he attained arhatship

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the Buddha could afford to wait

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because he was not in a hurry

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he was not in a hurry

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because he had no good teacher identity

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that needed validation from his students' results

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this is the real secret of never getting angry

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not stronger endurance

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but fewer things that need to be satisfied

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we once talked about that cup filled with coffee

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what spills out of you

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is not decided in that moment

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it is what you poured in beforehand

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today I want to add one line

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among the things you pour in

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the one most easily overlooked

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is the identity you expect yourself to be

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good teacher good parent good leader good partner

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there is nothing wrong with these identities

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but when they become how you define yourself

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when someone's performance shakes them

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your reaction is no longer rational

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it is instinctive defense

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to this teacher

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you do not need to become the Buddha to stop getting angry

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you only need to see one thing

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the fire you unleash on your students

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at its deepest is not burning their slowness

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it is your fear of not being good enough

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once you see this

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the fire will not vanish at once

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but its nature will change

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from a wildfire you cannot control

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into a lamp you can observe

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then you will notice something interesting

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00:14:24,926 --> 00:14:27,492
when you stop rushing to make your students learn

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they actually start learning

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because your ease

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reaches them through the mirror neurons

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your acceptance

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shuts down their defense system

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and opens their learning channel

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you did nothing extra

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you only set down a little of that good teacher identity in your cup

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and the air in the classroom changed

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your classroom

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is your place of practice

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00:14:51,166 --> 00:14:52,852
every student who does not get it

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is a teacher sent to show you what is in your cup

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I will even say something that may make you uncomfortable

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the students who drive you craziest

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00:15:02,327 --> 00:15:04,011
are precisely your best teachers

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00:15:04,406 --> 00:15:07,572
because fast learners trigger nothing in you

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00:15:07,927 --> 00:15:09,326
only the slow learners

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00:15:09,327 --> 00:15:12,606
can force out what is hidden deepest in your cup

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00:15:12,606 --> 00:15:13,572
and let you see it

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00:15:13,927 --> 00:15:16,611
if your cup holds only a love of knowledge

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00:15:16,727 --> 00:15:18,932
then whether students learn fast or slow

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00:15:19,006 --> 00:15:20,852
what spills out of you is patience

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00:15:21,286 --> 00:15:24,611
but if the cup also holds an I am a good teacher identity

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00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:26,371
then the moment a student does not cooperate

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00:15:26,406 --> 00:15:28,692
what spills out is anxiety and anger

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00:15:29,087 --> 00:15:29,991
this is not a moral problem

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00:15:30,366 --> 00:15:31,371
it is a structural one

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00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:33,151
changing the structure

460
00:15:33,567 --> 00:15:35,491
is ten thousand times more effective

461
00:15:35,526 --> 00:15:36,731
than forcing yourself to change your temper

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00:15:37,614 --> 00:15:39,099
you said you created verbal karma

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00:15:39,575 --> 00:15:40,820
but have you considered

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00:15:41,014 --> 00:15:42,979
the very fact that you noticed it

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00:15:43,055 --> 00:15:45,499
means you have already gone further than most

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00:15:45,894 --> 00:15:48,499
awareness itself is where practice begins

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00:15:48,774 --> 00:15:49,599
do not fear the thought arising

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00:15:50,014 --> 00:15:51,219
fear only noticing it too late

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you were not too late

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00:15:53,175 --> 00:15:54,239
next time the anger comes

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00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:55,899
do not rush to blame yourself

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00:15:56,094 --> 00:15:57,580
and do not rush to push it down

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00:15:57,935 --> 00:15:59,019
just look at it

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then pour yourself a cup of tea

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00:16:01,614 --> 00:16:02,540
go drink tea

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this episode I really want to hear from the teachers in the comments

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00:16:06,642 --> 00:16:08,667
have you ever lost your temper at a student in class

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what happened inside your body in that moment

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00:16:11,561 --> 00:16:12,887
and if you are a student

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00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:15,346
what did you feel when your teacher got angry

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00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:16,466
I am Leo Wang

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00:16:16,681 --> 00:16:17,754
see you next episode