four words from Bodhidharma
that expose fake helping
someone asks to borrow thirty thousand from you
you dont say yes on the spot
you just say let me think about it
that night lying in bed
you run this persons last ten years through your head
is he reliable
will the money come back
will saying no damage the friendship
will saying yes make you look like a pushover
and hell come back next time
you calculate all night
the next morning
you send the money
the moment it goes out
you actually feel a little proud
like you pulled off something hard
you were a good person the hard way
if that Indian monk from fifteen hundred years ago were standing there
he would probably ruin the moment
you thought about it all night
and that already settled what this thing is
what you did was not helping
hello
everyone
this is Leo Wang
todays topic
dont interfere with other peoples karma
you hear this line everywhere now
but its usually served as feel good soup
or used as a shield for indifference
most people only use the shell
not the core
either to explain why they walk away
or they get pulled in anyway
and two years later call the other person ungrateful
I want to take this line apart
down to something you can actually use
not just understand it in theory
but the next time someone reaches out
you know what to do in those two seconds
lets start with that Indian monk
first lets be clear
this is a Chan legend
not a historical record
Bodhidharma meeting Emperor Wu of Liang
first appears in Chan texts over two hundred years after his death
earlier biographies dont mention it at all
its not verified history
its a patriarch story built up layer by layer
but the story has survived thirteen hundred years
when a made up story lives that long
its usually because it hits a real problem
Emperor Wus investment in Buddhism
was about as extreme as it gets in Chinese history
building temples copying sutras ordaining monks
he even gave himself to Tongtai Temple as a servant several times
and the court paid a fortune to buy him back
when Bodhidharma arrived by sea
he was thrilled
invited him into the palace
and asked
since I took the throne
I have built temples copied sutras and ordained monks beyond counting
what merit have I earned
in plain words
I have done all this
how much merit have I banked
Bodhidharma answered in four words
no merit at all
later Chan texts added a line
these are only small fruits of the human and heavenly realms
causes that leak
like a shadow following a body
seemingly there but not real
meaning
all this belongs to worldly blessing
its a leaking cause
like a shadow that follows you
it looks like something
but it has no substance
this story has been told for over a thousand years
and most people read it as
Bodhidharma criticizing the emperor for clinging to merit
you shouldnt do good for a return
once you want a return
the merit is gone
so give without form
give without attachment
this reading is too smooth
so smooth that nobody questions it
I used to think this way too
but something has been swapped in here
we assume a premise
that what the emperor did was giving
just not cleanly enough
in the Platform Sutra Huineng
flips that premise over
he says
the emperors mind was off
he did not know the true dharma
building temples ordaining monks giving alms holding feasts
this is called seeking blessing
you cannot call blessing merit
merit lies in the dharma body
not in cultivating blessing
listen closely to that word
seeking blessing
Huineng did not say the emperor gave but clung
he said
what the emperor did is called seeking blessing
it never belonged to the category of giving at all
these are two completely different criticisms
one says you did the right thing
with the wrong attitude
points off
the other says you never did that thing at all
you just wore its clothes
so what was the emperor doing
he was investing
treasury money manpower decades of time
expecting national fortune blessings in the next life and a legacy
this is a deal with clear objectives
is a deal wrong
no
the problem is he called the deal giving
back to your thirty thousand
you calculated all night
his credit the odds of getting it back
the social cost of refusing the long term risk of agreeing
I have been investing for years
I have read countless business plans
honestly
the process running in your head that night
is structurally identical to an investors due diligence
so what did you actually do
you made a deal
the terms were never on paper
the interest rate is zero
the payback period is undefined
the collateral is your relationship
as business
its terrible
but it really is business
so here is my first point
a deal is a deal
helping is helping
both are good things
most of human civilization is built on deals
deals are not beneath you
lending someone money
with interest a term and a guarantee
signed in black and white
is perfectly decent
and not the least bit crude
what really goes wrong
is calling a deal a favor
once you call it a favor
you write yourself an invisible IOU
and the other person has no copy
he doesnt know you lost sleep that night
doesnt know what you turned down for him
doesnt know how much expectation you attached to that money
all he knows is you lent him thirty thousand
three years later you remember it
and you say
it was so hard and I still lent it to him
and he never even said thanks
the word ingrate
is almost always invented by whoever kept the wrong books
its not that hes ungrateful
its that in a ledger he cannot see
you recorded a debt he never signed for
so what do you do
its simple
simple enough to spoil the mood
make it a decent deal
state the term
when it comes back
state the amount
give what you can give
dont overreach to look good
state the conditions
this money costs me something
my plans this month have to change
some think talking like this with friends hurts the relationship
I think its the opposite
what really hurts
is saying no rush pay me back whenever
while counting down inside
saying its nothing at all
while calculating how to collect the favor
put the terms on the table
and the relationship gets cleaner
he knows what he owes
if he can repay he repays
if he cant
he knows he cant
and he wont use a weightless thank you
to cover a debt he never knew the weight of
vagueness
is what really damages relationships
so I really hope you never say this years later
I should never have helped him
the moment you say that
you admit you never meant it as a gift
so then
what is actually helping
here is a scene
test it on yourself
youre walking down the street
a kid ahead of you pitches forward
your hand is already out
notice the order
its not judge hes falling decide to catch him then reach
the hand moves first
the thought arrives later
this is not mysticism
the body really has a fast track that skips deliberation
a spinal reflex takes about thirty to fifty milliseconds
catching a falling object about a hundred
while the thought hes going to fall
as a complete thought
takes more than twice as long
a famous experiment in the eighties
found the brains readiness signal
came about a third of a second before the thought I want to move
that experiment is heavily disputed today
so no conclusions
but it hints at one thing
consciousness is not always first on the scene
look back at that reaching hand
who did it
not the you who weighs pros and cons
that you is still on the way
it hasnt reached the scene yet
this is my whole test
any help where your hand moves before you can think
that one was meant for you
you did not step into someone elses karma
the karma walked to this point on its own
and borrowed your hand
you were just the nearest pair of hands
this kind of help
leaves no entry in the ledger
because there was no decision
no cost accounting
and no I gave something for the thought to root in
you might even forget it on the way home
but any help that needs a pass through your head
weighing it calculating whether its worth it
has already left this category
the moment you analyze
youre already making a deal
not that you shouldnt
just dont call it helping
let me block one misunderstanding
someone will hear this and say
so I should stop thinking about anything
just run on instinct
isnt that the practice
thats not what I mean
instinct does not mean shutting off your brain
the truth is
most of the time your hand simply does not move on its own
that is the normal case
the hand didnt move
which means this one is not in that category
thats all
this test is not telling you to fake a thoughtless gesture
its telling you to admit one thing honestly
in that fraction of a second
did my hand actually move
if it did
go
dont look back
if it didnt
then handle it as a deal
handle it in the open
now the second thread
more hidden than lending money
and far more damaging
rescuing people
is there someone like this around you
whose life is a mess
an unhappy marriage
the job is gone
buried in debt
stuck in a toxic relationship
you watch and get anxious
and you step in
you analyze it for him
you find him a job
you lend money to clear his debts
you tell him to leave that person
you even negotiate on his behalf
the time and emotion you spend
is far more than thirty thousand
two years later you notice two things
his situation has not really improved
a different pit
the same way of falling in
and you got dragged in yourself
insomnia resentment
fights at home all tied to this
what happened
I dont like making this mystical
its actually quite mechanical
the trap a person keeps falling into
is largely the fruit of his long term pattern of choices
that fruit was meant for him
suffering
is his teacher
only when he tastes it
does the system update
you take the fruit away for him
and once you do
two things happen at once
his homework stays unfinished
the same pattern grows the same fruit again
and because you reached out and took it
you took yourself into the chain
its like doing a classmates homework as a kid
the homework got handed in
the grade came through
both of you felt relieved
but that problem
he will never solve as long as he lives
everyone has their own homework
everyone has their own fruit to bear
taking it off his hands
is not helping him
its taking away his one chance to learn
you may even push his timetable for getting out
further down the road
the word backlash sounds frightening
as if someone up there keeps books and comes for you
I dont see it that way
backlash just means you were never on that causal chain
and you walked in
once youre in
whatever happens on the chain includes you
theres no punishment
no revenge
only your position changed
at this point
you might ask
so by this logic
I ignore my sick parents
I ignore my kid in trouble
I watch my partner go down
here comes the key distinction
shared karma
with your parents your partner your children
longtime partners brothers you grew up with
your karma is already braided together
it didnt tangle today when you stepped in
it tangled decades ago
for these people
should I get involved
is a fake question
youre already in
helping
is part of the chain
not helping
is also part of the chain
even the back of you walking away
grows its own fruit
inside a web of shared karma
the question is how
not whether
what does how mean
let me get concrete
your parents get sick
of course you go
no thinking required
but once youre there
there are two ways to be there
one is you take his illness his emotions his lifetime of choices
and load all of it onto your own shoulders
then quietly add
after all this
he could at least cooperate a little
the other is
take the leave you need to take
pay what you need to pay
sit through the nights
but you dont decide how he faces his own body
and you dont expect these days to fix your relationship
from outside these two
look exactly the same
inside theyre worlds apart
in the first one
youre still keeping books
you just changed the cover
what really needs care
is people outside the web
someone you barely know comes to you
a distant relative
a classmate you havent spoken to in years
a friend from the internet
stepping in for someone like this
is actively connecting a wire
you can connect it
on one condition
you have to truly abide nowhere
the Diamond Sutra puts it bluntly
a bodhisattva in regard to dharmas
should abide nowhere
and practice giving
abiding nowhere is not a word for some lofty state
it is a very concrete operation
how concrete
the moment the money leaves
the matter is finished in your mind
no loose ends
no deadline
no rehearsing how hell respond later
no corner of your phone
pulling it up for you every few days
you can test yourself
six months later
if you can still name the number in one second
then you did not abide nowhere
I know most people cant do this
I often cant do it either
so let me say something not very spiritual
if youre just too soft hearted
too easily swayed to refuse
you cant get out a single no once they ask
then lend it
but in the second you transfer
do one thing inside
write the money off
dont expect it back
dont expect him to repay
dont expect him to remember
dont expect him to speak well of you later
to put it harder
dont even wait for the thank you
and even
I am helping him
dont keep that thought either
as long as the thought is there
the invisible IOU is there
if you can really get there
what you lent is no longer a bad debt
that is giving
that is what buddhas do
if you cant
then learn to say no
a serious honest no
is far cleaner than a good person secretly keeping books
and far more compassionate
because you didnt bury a mine he doesnt know about
there is a Chan koan
that makes a good ending here
every time Master Baizhang taught
an old man listened at the back of the crowd
one day the crowd left
the old man stayed
he said
I am not human
long ago I taught on this mountain too
a student asked me
does a great practitioner still fall into cause and effect
I answered
he does not fall into cause and effect
and because of that one line
I was reborn five hundred lives as a wild fox
the old man knelt and begged Baizhang
please answer that question again for me
Chan calls this a turning word
one sentence
that turns the place where someone is stuck
Baizhang also answered in four words
not blind to cause and effect
the old man awakened on the spot
and shed the fox body
look
one word apart
not falling into cause and effect
says my practice is complete
karma no longer applies to me
I jumped out
not blind to cause and effect
says I am inside karma
I have always been inside
I am simply not confused
blind
means not seeing clearly
means lying to yourself
so
the line dont interfere with other peoples karma
what it really means
was never dont get involved
it is dont lie to yourself
dont call an investment a sacrifice
dont call paying a social cost compassion
dont call weakness that cant refuse kindness
one more layer
look back at that night of struggle
you thought you were struggling over whether to help him
be honest
what you struggled with probably wasnt him at all
what you struggled with was
if I dont lend it
what kind of person am I
for years you have been the warm one
the reliable one who never says no
now you refuse
and the persona cracks
what you were protecting is not him
its the sign that says I am a good person
that sign
the words no self
may sound mystical elsewhere
here they are not mystical at all
no self simply means taking that sign down
dropping the saint label the compassionate persona the good person mask
and looking honestly at your real motive right now
look clearly and you find two things
first
much of what you called kindness
is actually fear
fear of disappointing people
fear of losing the relationship
fear of becoming a bad person in your own eyes
second
once the sign comes down
some truly clean unconditional goodwill starts rising on its own
because it no longer needs approval from that self
then when you see wrong and step in
the move is fast
without thinking
finished on the spot
that kind of move has no backlash
because there is no self at all
standing there waiting to collect
one last question for you
think back over your life
was there ever a time
your hand moved before the thought
maybe by the road
in a hospital hallway
in front of a total stranger
did you feel afterward that you had given something
I bet you cant even recall the details
and the ones you remember perfectly the amount
the date how they treated you afterward
think about it yourself
what were those really
tell me your answer in the comments
I really want to know
that ledger inside you
when did you start keeping it
this is Leo Wang
see you next time