1
00:00:00,260 --> 00:00:01,098
达摩四个字

2
00:00:01,379 --> 00:00:02,999
说破了假帮忙

3
00:00:03,540 --> 00:00:05,118
有人找你借三万块

4
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,538
你没当场答应

5
00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:08,159
只说考虑考虑

6
00:00:08,517 --> 00:00:10,016
当晚躺在床上

7
00:00:10,077 --> 00:00:13,417
你把这人过去十年的模样在脑子里过了一遍

8
00:00:13,798 --> 00:00:14,436
靠不靠谱

9
00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:15,917
钱还得回来吗

10
00:00:16,398 --> 00:00:17,756
不借会不会伤和气

11
00:00:18,317 --> 00:00:19,877
借了会不会显得太好说话

12
00:00:20,197 --> 00:00:20,877
下回还来

13
00:00:21,557 --> 00:00:22,456
算了一夜

14
00:00:22,918 --> 00:00:23,677
次日清晨

15
00:00:24,078 --> 00:00:25,256
钱转过去了

16
00:00:26,293 --> 00:00:27,133
转完那一刻

17
00:00:27,453 --> 00:00:29,073
心里其实有点自豪

18
00:00:29,134 --> 00:00:30,973
觉得自己做成了一件难事

19
00:00:30,974 --> 00:00:32,672
当了一回艰难的好人

20
00:00:32,893 --> 00:00:36,073
若是一千五百年前那位印度和尚站在旁边

21
00:00:36,094 --> 00:00:37,452
大概会说句扫兴话

22
00:00:37,854 --> 00:00:39,213
你昨晚想了一夜

23
00:00:39,214 --> 00:00:41,412
已经把这件事的性质定死了

24
00:00:41,414 --> 00:00:42,952
你做的不是帮忙

25
00:00:44,297 --> 00:00:44,535
哈喽

26
00:00:44,857 --> 00:00:45,296
大家好

27
00:00:45,537 --> 00:00:46,556
我是王利杰

28
00:00:46,816 --> 00:00:47,776
今天聊个话题

29
00:00:48,136 --> 00:00:49,916
不要介入别人的因果

30
00:00:50,136 --> 00:00:52,276
这话如今满大街都是

31
00:00:52,376 --> 00:00:54,035
却常被讲成鸡汤

32
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,035
或是当作冷漠的挡箭牌

33
00:00:56,297 --> 00:00:57,815
多数人用的只是它的壳

34
00:00:58,096 --> 00:00:58,916
不是芯

35
00:00:59,176 --> 00:01:01,395
要么拿来解释自己为何不管

36
00:01:01,456 --> 00:01:03,355
要么照样把自己搭进去

37
00:01:03,376 --> 00:01:05,715
过两年再骂对方白眼狼

38
00:01:06,017 --> 00:01:07,595
我想把这句话拆开

39
00:01:07,697 --> 00:01:09,635
拆到你能当场用的程度

40
00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:10,776
不是道理上懂

41
00:01:11,057 --> 00:01:12,995
而是下次有人伸手时

42
00:01:13,017 --> 00:01:15,355
在那两秒钟里知道该怎么办

43
00:01:16,070 --> 00:01:18,049
先从那个印度和尚说起

44
00:01:18,150 --> 00:01:19,028
先得说清楚

45
00:01:19,230 --> 00:01:20,629
这是禅门传说

46
00:01:20,629 --> 00:01:22,368
并非史书实录

47
00:01:22,710 --> 00:01:24,088
达摩见梁武帝

48
00:01:24,109 --> 00:01:27,288
最早见于达摩身后两百多年的禅宗文献

49
00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:29,769
更早的传记压根没提这事

50
00:01:29,909 --> 00:01:31,069
它不是信史

51
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,808
是后人层层加工出来的祖师故事

52
00:01:33,909 --> 00:01:36,168
但这故事流传了一千三百年

53
00:01:36,269 --> 00:01:38,209
一个假故事能活这么久

54
00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,248
通常是因为戳中了真问题

55
00:01:40,910 --> 00:01:43,070
梁武帝对佛教的投入

56
00:01:43,071 --> 00:01:45,130
在中国历史上算顶格

57
00:01:45,390 --> 00:01:47,609
造寺 写经 度僧

58
00:01:47,791 --> 00:01:50,529
甚至几度舍身同泰寺当义工

59
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,690
让朝廷花重金赎回

60
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,109
达摩渡海而来

61
00:01:54,311 --> 00:01:55,270
他大喜

62
00:01:55,270 --> 00:01:56,070
请入宫中

63
00:01:56,390 --> 00:01:57,289
问了一句

64
00:01:57,390 --> 00:01:58,389
朕即位以来

65
00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:01,669
造寺写经度僧不可胜纪

66
00:02:01,671 --> 00:02:02,889
有何功德

67
00:02:03,110 --> 00:02:03,949
大白话就是

68
00:02:04,311 --> 00:02:05,470
我干了这么多

69
00:02:05,470 --> 00:02:06,589
攒下多少功德

70
00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:08,850
达摩只回了四个字

71
00:02:08,871 --> 00:02:10,130
并无功德

72
00:02:10,398 --> 00:02:12,977
后来禅宗典籍又补了一句

73
00:02:13,319 --> 00:02:14,677
此但人天小果

74
00:02:14,999 --> 00:02:16,137
有漏之因

75
00:02:16,238 --> 00:02:17,077
如影随形

76
00:02:17,439 --> 00:02:18,618
虽有非实

77
00:02:19,078 --> 00:02:19,637
意思是

78
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:21,897
这些属于人天福报

79
00:02:21,958 --> 00:02:23,218
是有漏的因

80
00:02:23,398 --> 00:02:24,677
像影子跟着人

81
00:02:25,039 --> 00:02:25,598
看着有

82
00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,257
其实不实在

83
00:02:27,759 --> 00:02:29,577
这故事讲了一千多年

84
00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:30,797
多数人的理解是

85
00:02:31,238 --> 00:02:33,818
达摩批评梁武帝执着功德

86
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:36,038
做好事不该图回报

87
00:02:36,398 --> 00:02:37,357
一图回报

88
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,658
功德就没了

89
00:02:38,958 --> 00:02:40,237
所以要无相布施

90
00:02:40,518 --> 00:02:41,658
要不执着

91
00:02:41,838 --> 00:02:43,197
这理解太顺了

92
00:02:43,558 --> 00:02:45,297
顺得让人不起疑心

93
00:02:45,439 --> 00:02:47,058
我早年也这么想

94
00:02:47,199 --> 00:02:48,658
但这里有个偷换

95
00:02:48,838 --> 00:02:50,278
我们默认了一个前提

96
00:02:50,759 --> 00:02:52,538
梁武帝做的是布施

97
00:02:52,639 --> 00:02:54,577
只不过做得不够干净

98
00:02:55,431 --> 00:02:56,830
慧能在 坛经 里

99
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:58,490
直接掀了这个前提

100
00:02:58,670 --> 00:02:59,029
他说

101
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:00,469
武帝心邪

102
00:03:00,830 --> 00:03:01,930
不知正法

103
00:03:02,151 --> 00:03:04,270
造寺度僧 布施设斋

104
00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:05,849
名为求福

105
00:03:05,991 --> 00:03:08,170
不可将福便为功德

106
00:03:08,591 --> 00:03:09,909
功德在法身中

107
00:03:10,271 --> 00:03:11,449
不在修福

108
00:03:12,070 --> 00:03:13,110
听清楚这个词

109
00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:14,449
求福

110
00:03:15,070 --> 00:03:17,890
慧能没说梁武帝布施了但执着

111
00:03:18,311 --> 00:03:19,409
他说的是

112
00:03:19,510 --> 00:03:22,330
梁武帝做的那件事名叫求福

113
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:25,050
它压根就不在布施这个类别里

114
00:03:25,311 --> 00:03:27,490
这是两种完全不同的批评

115
00:03:27,830 --> 00:03:29,670
前者是你做对了事

116
00:03:29,991 --> 00:03:30,710
心态不对

117
00:03:31,031 --> 00:03:31,430
扣分

118
00:03:32,031 --> 00:03:34,890
后者是你做的根本不是那件事

119
00:03:34,950 --> 00:03:36,890
只是穿了那件事的衣服

120
00:03:38,106 --> 00:03:39,144
梁武帝在干什么

121
00:03:39,425 --> 00:03:40,444
他在投资

122
00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,805
投入国库的钱 人力 几十年时间

123
00:03:43,826 --> 00:03:47,764
预期换来国运昌隆 来世福报 身后名声

124
00:03:48,066 --> 00:03:50,164
这是一笔目标明确的交易

125
00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,144
交易有错吗

126
00:03:51,444 --> 00:03:52,194
没有

127
00:03:52,386 --> 00:03:54,884
问题出在他管这笔交易叫布施

128
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,720
回到你那三万块钱

129
00:03:58,261 --> 00:03:59,440
你算了一夜

130
00:03:59,860 --> 00:04:02,539
评估对方信用 资金回收概率

131
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:06,199
拒绝的社交成本 答应后的长期风险

132
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:07,579
我做投资多年

133
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:09,759
看过太多商业计划书

134
00:04:09,941 --> 00:04:10,500
说实话

135
00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:12,820
你那一夜脑子里跑的流程

136
00:04:12,821 --> 00:04:15,639
跟投资人做尽调的结构一模一样

137
00:04:16,020 --> 00:04:17,100
那你做的是什么

138
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:18,759
是一笔交易

139
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:20,459
条款没写在纸上

140
00:04:20,820 --> 00:04:21,839
利率为零

141
00:04:21,901 --> 00:04:22,779
回收期不定

142
00:04:23,141 --> 00:04:25,040
抵押物是你们的关系

143
00:04:25,300 --> 00:04:26,259
从生意角度看

144
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:27,500
这很糟糕

145
00:04:27,500 --> 00:04:29,199
但它确实是生意

146
00:04:29,817 --> 00:04:31,136
我想说的第一句话是

147
00:04:31,576 --> 00:04:32,776
交易归交易

148
00:04:32,776 --> 00:04:34,076
帮忙归帮忙

149
00:04:34,216 --> 00:04:35,836
这两样都是好东西

150
00:04:36,136 --> 00:04:38,555
人类文明大半建立在交易之上

151
00:04:38,697 --> 00:04:40,115
交易并不低级

152
00:04:40,297 --> 00:04:41,016
借钱给人

153
00:04:41,257 --> 00:04:43,615
附上利息 期限 担保

154
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,316
白纸黑字签清楚

155
00:04:45,336 --> 00:04:46,096
非常体面

156
00:04:46,336 --> 00:04:47,596
一点也不俗气

157
00:04:47,776 --> 00:04:48,975
真正出问题的

158
00:04:48,976 --> 00:04:50,995
是你把交易叫成了帮忙

159
00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:52,937
一旦叫它帮忙

160
00:04:52,957 --> 00:04:55,697
你就给自己开了一张隐形欠条

161
00:04:55,877 --> 00:04:57,656
而对方手里没有副本

162
00:04:57,957 --> 00:04:59,897
他不知道你那天晚上没睡

163
00:04:59,957 --> 00:05:01,937
不知道你为他推掉了别的事

164
00:05:02,038 --> 00:05:05,017
不知道你心里给这笔钱标了多少期待

165
00:05:05,358 --> 00:05:07,536
他只知道你借了他三万块

166
00:05:08,158 --> 00:05:09,596
三年后你想起这事

167
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:10,577
会说

168
00:05:10,718 --> 00:05:12,197
当年那么难都借给他

169
00:05:12,678 --> 00:05:13,937
连句谢都没有

170
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,697
白眼狼这个词

171
00:05:15,757 --> 00:05:18,577
几乎从来都是记错账的人发明的

172
00:05:18,998 --> 00:05:20,577
不是对方不知感恩

173
00:05:20,757 --> 00:05:23,377
是你在一本他看不见的账本上

174
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:25,776
替他记了一笔他没签字的债

175
00:05:26,086 --> 00:05:26,557
怎么办

176
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:27,994
很简单

177
00:05:28,394 --> 00:05:29,754
简单到有点煞风景

178
00:05:30,194 --> 00:05:32,333
把它做成一笔体面的交易

179
00:05:32,554 --> 00:05:33,314
期限说清

180
00:05:33,595 --> 00:05:34,114
何时还

181
00:05:34,675 --> 00:05:35,434
金额说清

182
00:05:35,795 --> 00:05:37,153
能出多少出多少

183
00:05:37,155 --> 00:05:37,793
别打肿脸

184
00:05:38,275 --> 00:05:39,074
条件说清

185
00:05:39,434 --> 00:05:41,234
这笔钱出来是有代价的

186
00:05:41,235 --> 00:05:42,853
我这个月的计划要改

187
00:05:43,275 --> 00:05:45,814
有人觉得跟朋友谈这些伤感情

188
00:05:46,074 --> 00:05:47,494
我倒觉得反过来

189
00:05:47,554 --> 00:05:48,953
真正伤感情的

190
00:05:48,954 --> 00:05:51,934
是嘴上说着不用急 随便什么时候还

191
00:05:52,074 --> 00:05:53,273
心里却在倒计时

192
00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:55,453
嘴上说着小事一桩

193
00:05:55,514 --> 00:05:57,614
心里却在算人情怎么收

194
00:05:57,835 --> 00:05:59,153
把条件摆上台面

195
00:05:59,475 --> 00:06:00,973
关系反而干净

196
00:06:01,554 --> 00:06:03,153
他知道自己欠什么

197
00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:04,514
还得起便还

198
00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:05,754
还不起

199
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:07,773
他也知道自己还不起

200
00:06:07,874 --> 00:06:09,953
不会用一句轻飘飘的谢谢

201
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:12,694
来糊弄一笔他不知道多重的债

202
00:06:13,035 --> 00:06:13,554
模糊

203
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,694
才是最伤感情的东西

204
00:06:16,884 --> 00:06:20,024
所以我特别不希望多年以后你说那句话

205
00:06:20,404 --> 00:06:22,704
早知道当初就不帮他了

206
00:06:22,964 --> 00:06:24,264
这话一出口

207
00:06:24,365 --> 00:06:26,863
等于承认当初就没打算白给

208
00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:27,723
那么

209
00:06:28,125 --> 00:06:29,084
什么才是帮忙

210
00:06:29,725 --> 00:06:30,564
给你个场景

211
00:06:31,084 --> 00:06:32,903
在自己身上验一下

212
00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:33,936
走在路上

213
00:06:34,378 --> 00:06:36,157
前面小孩往前一栽

214
00:06:36,617 --> 00:06:38,557
你的手已经伸出去了

215
00:06:38,857 --> 00:06:40,277
注意先后顺序

216
00:06:40,658 --> 00:06:45,157
不是判断他要摔倒 决定要不要扶 然后伸手

217
00:06:45,497 --> 00:06:46,496
是手先动了

218
00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:47,836
念头后到

219
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,427
这不是玄学

220
00:06:49,848 --> 00:06:53,388
身体里确实有一条不经深思熟虑的快通路

221
00:06:53,608 --> 00:06:56,268
脊髓反射大概三十到五十毫秒

222
00:06:56,408 --> 00:06:58,947
伸手拦坠落物约一百毫秒

223
00:06:59,048 --> 00:07:00,648
而意识到他要摔了

224
00:07:00,648 --> 00:07:01,848
这个完整的念头

225
00:07:02,168 --> 00:07:03,588
要慢一倍不止

226
00:07:03,809 --> 00:07:06,348
上世纪八十年代有个著名实验

227
00:07:06,449 --> 00:07:08,367
发现大脑的准备信号

228
00:07:08,369 --> 00:07:11,668
比我想动那个念头早了约三分之一秒

229
00:07:11,889 --> 00:07:13,528
这实验如今争议很大

230
00:07:13,848 --> 00:07:14,867
不作定论

231
00:07:14,889 --> 00:07:16,288
但至少提示一件事

232
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:19,148
意识未必是第一个到场的

233
00:07:19,881 --> 00:07:21,081
回头看那一伸手

234
00:07:21,321 --> 00:07:22,160
是谁做的

235
00:07:22,682 --> 00:07:24,621
不是那个会算利弊的你

236
00:07:24,922 --> 00:07:26,241
那个你还在路上

237
00:07:26,602 --> 00:07:27,941
还没赶到现场

238
00:07:28,162 --> 00:07:29,641
我的判据就是这一条

239
00:07:30,162 --> 00:07:34,340
凡是在你来得及思考之前手就已经伸出去的忙

240
00:07:34,441 --> 00:07:36,261
那是注定该你帮的

241
00:07:36,401 --> 00:07:38,460
不是你介入了别人的因果

242
00:07:38,482 --> 00:07:40,480
是因果自己走到这一步

243
00:07:40,482 --> 00:07:41,980
顺手借了你的手

244
00:07:42,162 --> 00:07:44,420
你只是当下最近的一双手

245
00:07:45,093 --> 00:07:45,652
这种忙

246
00:07:46,013 --> 00:07:47,511
帮完不会记账

247
00:07:47,773 --> 00:07:49,131
因为没有决策过程

248
00:07:49,453 --> 00:07:50,792
没有成本核算

249
00:07:50,893 --> 00:07:54,271
也没有一个我付出了什么的念头可以生根

250
00:07:54,612 --> 00:07:57,032
回家路上甚至会把这事忘了

251
00:07:57,253 --> 00:07:59,292
而但凡需要你过一遍脑子

252
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,672
称一称轻重 算一算划不划算的忙

253
00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,592
就已经离开了这个类别

254
00:08:04,852 --> 00:08:05,771
一开始分析

255
00:08:05,972 --> 00:08:07,751
你就已经在做交易了

256
00:08:07,932 --> 00:08:08,932
不是说不能做

257
00:08:09,292 --> 00:08:11,032
是说别管它叫帮忙

258
00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:13,656
这里我要挡一个误会

259
00:08:13,837 --> 00:08:15,296
有人听到这儿会说

260
00:08:15,356 --> 00:08:17,156
那我以后凡事都别想

261
00:08:17,156 --> 00:08:18,075
全凭本能来

262
00:08:18,317 --> 00:08:19,536
不就修行了吗

263
00:08:19,716 --> 00:08:20,695
不是这个意思

264
00:08:20,997 --> 00:08:22,976
本能不是让你关掉脑子

265
00:08:23,116 --> 00:08:24,336
真实情况是

266
00:08:24,356 --> 00:08:27,296
绝大多数时候你的手根本不会自己动

267
00:08:27,437 --> 00:08:28,656
这才是常态

268
00:08:28,736 --> 00:08:29,476
手没动

269
00:08:29,476 --> 00:08:31,796
就说明这件事不在那个类别里

270
00:08:31,796 --> 00:08:32,815
如此而已

271
00:08:32,997 --> 00:08:36,615
这条判据不是叫你去制造一个不假思索的姿态

272
00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:38,476
是叫你诚实地承认一件事

273
00:08:38,877 --> 00:08:40,315
刚才那零点几秒

274
00:08:40,316 --> 00:08:42,136
我的手到底动了没有

275
00:08:42,357 --> 00:08:42,756
动了

276
00:08:42,997 --> 00:08:43,396
就去

277
00:08:43,676 --> 00:08:44,496
别回头

278
00:08:44,717 --> 00:08:45,116
没动

279
00:08:45,477 --> 00:08:46,516
那就当交易办

280
00:08:46,877 --> 00:08:48,095
明明白白地办

281
00:08:48,499 --> 00:08:49,797
再看第二条线

282
00:08:50,178 --> 00:08:51,498
比借钱更隐蔽

283
00:08:51,819 --> 00:08:52,778
杀伤力也更大

284
00:08:53,258 --> 00:08:53,998
捞人

285
00:08:54,538 --> 00:08:55,618
身边有没有这样的人

286
00:08:56,138 --> 00:08:57,218
日子过得一团糟

287
00:08:57,778 --> 00:08:58,738
婚姻不幸

288
00:08:58,739 --> 00:08:59,817
工作丢了

289
00:08:59,819 --> 00:09:00,498
欠一身债

290
00:09:01,138 --> 00:09:03,157
困在有毒的关系里出不来

291
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:04,297
你看着着急

292
00:09:04,619 --> 00:09:05,557
开始出手

293
00:09:05,778 --> 00:09:06,457
替他分析

294
00:09:06,778 --> 00:09:07,457
帮他找工作

295
00:09:07,778 --> 00:09:08,797
借钱还账

296
00:09:08,859 --> 00:09:09,898
劝他离开那个人

297
00:09:10,219 --> 00:09:11,638
甚至替他去谈判

298
00:09:11,859 --> 00:09:13,177
付出的时间和情绪

299
00:09:13,499 --> 00:09:14,797
远比三万块多

300
00:09:15,298 --> 00:09:16,978
过两年你会发现两件事

301
00:09:17,459 --> 00:09:19,598
他的处境并未真正改善

302
00:09:19,739 --> 00:09:20,337
换了个坑

303
00:09:20,658 --> 00:09:22,337
掉进去的姿势一模一样

304
00:09:22,819 --> 00:09:24,297
你自己却被拖进去了

305
00:09:24,658 --> 00:09:26,118
失眠 怨恨

306
00:09:26,138 --> 00:09:28,638
跟家里人吵架都跟这事有关

307
00:09:29,673 --> 00:09:30,232
怎么回事

308
00:09:30,754 --> 00:09:32,653
我不喜欢说得神神叨叨

309
00:09:32,673 --> 00:09:34,013
这其实很机械

310
00:09:34,193 --> 00:09:36,112
一个人反复掉进的困境

311
00:09:36,114 --> 00:09:39,413
很大一部分是他长期选择模式结出的果

312
00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:41,192
这果本是给他的

313
00:09:41,433 --> 00:09:41,633
苦

314
00:09:41,994 --> 00:09:43,253
却是他的老师

315
00:09:43,593 --> 00:09:44,153
吃到苦

316
00:09:44,433 --> 00:09:45,773
系统才会更新

317
00:09:46,073 --> 00:09:47,813
你替他把果接走了

318
00:09:47,994 --> 00:09:48,673
接走之后

319
00:09:48,994 --> 00:09:50,352
两件事同时发生

320
00:09:50,793 --> 00:09:52,133
他功课没做完

321
00:09:52,154 --> 00:09:54,313
会用同样模式再结一次果

322
00:09:54,833 --> 00:09:56,732
而你主动伸手接了果

323
00:09:56,754 --> 00:09:59,013
就把自己接进了那条链子

324
00:09:59,441 --> 00:10:01,781
这就像小时候替同学写作业

325
00:10:02,081 --> 00:10:03,080
作业交上去了

326
00:10:03,201 --> 00:10:04,580
分数也拿到了

327
00:10:04,681 --> 00:10:06,380
两个人都松了一口气

328
00:10:06,801 --> 00:10:07,600
可那道题

329
00:10:07,961 --> 00:10:09,580
他到死都不会做

330
00:10:10,081 --> 00:10:11,901
每个人有每个人的功课

331
00:10:12,081 --> 00:10:14,181
每个人有每个人该结的果

332
00:10:14,481 --> 00:10:15,561
你替他接过来

333
00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:16,941
不是帮他

334
00:10:17,081 --> 00:10:19,980
是把他学会的那一次机会拿走了

335
00:10:20,321 --> 00:10:23,301
你甚至可能替他把出苦海的时间表

336
00:10:23,441 --> 00:10:25,181
往后拖长了一截

337
00:10:25,721 --> 00:10:27,781
反噬这个词听起来吓人

338
00:10:27,841 --> 00:10:30,700
好像天上有人记账等着收拾你

339
00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:31,980
我不这么看

340
00:10:32,321 --> 00:10:35,321
反噬只是说你原本不在因果链上

341
00:10:35,321 --> 00:10:36,700
自己走了进去

342
00:10:37,002 --> 00:10:37,720
进去之后

343
00:10:38,081 --> 00:10:40,340
链子上的事就有你一份

344
00:10:40,841 --> 00:10:41,521
没有惩罚

345
00:10:41,762 --> 00:10:42,441
没有报复

346
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:43,901
只是位置变了

347
00:10:44,407 --> 00:10:45,005
说到这儿

348
00:10:45,206 --> 00:10:45,926
你可能要问

349
00:10:46,367 --> 00:10:47,005
照这么说

350
00:10:47,326 --> 00:10:48,526
父母生病不管了

351
00:10:48,806 --> 00:10:50,005
孩子闯祸不管了

352
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:51,566
合伙人出事看着

353
00:10:52,247 --> 00:10:53,965
这就涉及最关键的区分

354
00:10:54,367 --> 00:10:55,105
共业

355
00:10:55,606 --> 00:10:57,766
你和父母 伴侣 孩子

356
00:10:58,007 --> 00:11:00,585
多年合伙人 一起长大的兄弟

357
00:11:00,647 --> 00:11:02,865
因果本来就是绞在一起的

358
00:11:02,887 --> 00:11:05,105
不是今天出手才绞进去

359
00:11:05,127 --> 00:11:07,385
是几十年前就绞在一起了

360
00:11:07,566 --> 00:11:08,286
对这些人

361
00:11:08,566 --> 00:11:09,686
要不要介入

362
00:11:09,686 --> 00:11:10,786
这是个假问题

363
00:11:11,127 --> 00:11:12,505
你已经在里面了

364
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:12,766
帮

365
00:11:13,127 --> 00:11:14,245
是链子的一部分

366
00:11:14,606 --> 00:11:14,965
不帮

367
00:11:15,247 --> 00:11:16,786
也是链子的一部分

368
00:11:17,007 --> 00:11:18,205
转身走开的背影

369
00:11:18,566 --> 00:11:20,225
同样会长出果来

370
00:11:20,407 --> 00:11:21,766
在共业的关系网里

371
00:11:22,047 --> 00:11:23,546
纠结的是方式

372
00:11:23,566 --> 00:11:24,705
不是是否

373
00:11:25,096 --> 00:11:26,056
方式是什么意思

374
00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:27,556
我说个具体的

375
00:11:27,897 --> 00:11:28,576
父母生病

376
00:11:28,897 --> 00:11:29,916
你当然去

377
00:11:30,216 --> 00:11:31,316
这个不用想

378
00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:32,456
但去了之后

379
00:11:32,897 --> 00:11:34,235
有两种去法

380
00:11:34,456 --> 00:11:38,475
一种是你把他的病 他的情绪 他一辈子的选择

381
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:40,975
全都接过来扛在自己肩上

382
00:11:40,976 --> 00:11:42,656
然后在心里默默加一句

383
00:11:43,057 --> 00:11:43,855
我都这样了

384
00:11:44,057 --> 00:11:45,836
他至少该配合一点吧

385
00:11:46,257 --> 00:11:46,936
另一种是

386
00:11:47,297 --> 00:11:48,536
该请假请假

387
00:11:48,537 --> 00:11:49,495
该出钱出钱

388
00:11:49,856 --> 00:11:51,156
该守夜守夜

389
00:11:51,257 --> 00:11:54,676
但你不替他决定他要怎么面对自己的身体

390
00:11:54,696 --> 00:11:57,995
也不指望这段日子能让你们的关系变好

391
00:11:58,417 --> 00:11:59,576
外人看这两种

392
00:11:59,897 --> 00:12:01,475
动作一模一样

393
00:12:01,657 --> 00:12:03,836
里头差着十万八千里

394
00:12:04,537 --> 00:12:05,056
前一种

395
00:12:05,297 --> 00:12:06,475
你还是在记账

396
00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:08,316
只是把账本换了个封面

397
00:12:09,259 --> 00:12:10,538
真正需要小心的

398
00:12:10,899 --> 00:12:12,117
是网外的人

399
00:12:12,659 --> 00:12:14,798
跟你没有深交的人来找你

400
00:12:15,139 --> 00:12:15,977
远房亲戚

401
00:12:16,338 --> 00:12:18,038
多年不联系的老同学

402
00:12:18,178 --> 00:12:19,477
网上认识的朋友

403
00:12:19,938 --> 00:12:20,977
对这样的人出手

404
00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:22,957
是在主动接线

405
00:12:23,458 --> 00:12:24,298
接可以接

406
00:12:24,698 --> 00:12:25,818
条件只有一个

407
00:12:26,299 --> 00:12:28,278
你得真的做到无所住

408
00:12:28,818 --> 00:12:30,398
金刚经 说得干脆

409
00:12:30,779 --> 00:12:31,617
菩萨于法

410
00:12:31,978 --> 00:12:32,898
应无所住

411
00:12:33,259 --> 00:12:34,357
行于布施

412
00:12:34,685 --> 00:12:37,044
无所住不是一个境界形容词

413
00:12:37,045 --> 00:12:39,103
它是一个非常具体的操作

414
00:12:39,565 --> 00:12:40,684
具体到什么程度

415
00:12:41,204 --> 00:12:43,103
就是钱转出去那一刻

416
00:12:43,244 --> 00:12:45,424
这件事在你心里就结束了

417
00:12:45,805 --> 00:12:46,483
不留尾巴

418
00:12:46,805 --> 00:12:47,863
不设期限

419
00:12:48,045 --> 00:12:50,263
不预演他将来会怎么回应你

420
00:12:50,645 --> 00:12:52,704
你手机里不再有一个角落

421
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,944
隔三差五替你把这件事翻出来看一眼

422
00:12:56,285 --> 00:12:57,584
你可以检验自己

423
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,064
半年之后

424
00:12:59,124 --> 00:13:01,704
如果你还能一秒钟报出那个数字

425
00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:03,824
那你当时没有做到无所住

426
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:05,760
我知道很多人做不到

427
00:13:05,821 --> 00:13:07,400
我自己也常做不到

428
00:13:07,741 --> 00:13:10,439
所以我要说一段可能不太修行的话

429
00:13:10,701 --> 00:13:12,179
如果你实在心软

430
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:14,079
耳根子软到没法拒绝

431
00:13:14,221 --> 00:13:16,799
别人一开口就说不出一个不字

432
00:13:16,821 --> 00:13:17,640
那就借

433
00:13:18,020 --> 00:13:19,179
但在转账那一秒

434
00:13:19,461 --> 00:13:20,699
要在心里做一件事

435
00:13:21,140 --> 00:13:22,559
把这笔钱划掉

436
00:13:22,701 --> 00:13:23,740
不指望它回来

437
00:13:24,060 --> 00:13:25,199
不指望他还

438
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:26,620
不指望他记着

439
00:13:26,621 --> 00:13:29,199
不指望他将来在人前说你一句好

440
00:13:29,501 --> 00:13:30,500
说得更狠一点

441
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:32,919
连那句谢谢都不要等

442
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:33,579
甚至

443
00:13:33,861 --> 00:13:35,079
我是在帮他

444
00:13:35,101 --> 00:13:36,799
这个念头都不要留

445
00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:38,179
只要念头还在

446
00:13:38,461 --> 00:13:40,120
隐形欠条就在

447
00:13:40,867 --> 00:13:42,165
真能做到这一步

448
00:13:42,187 --> 00:13:44,246
借出去的就不再是烂账

449
00:13:44,426 --> 00:13:45,145
那是布施

450
00:13:45,467 --> 00:13:47,006
是佛菩萨干的事

451
00:13:47,307 --> 00:13:47,746
做不到

452
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:49,325
就学着说不

453
00:13:49,666 --> 00:13:51,045
认真地说一句不

454
00:13:51,107 --> 00:13:54,386
比做一个心里悄悄记账的好人干净得多

455
00:13:54,386 --> 00:13:55,525
也慈悲得多

456
00:13:56,026 --> 00:13:58,925
因为你没给对方埋一颗他不知道的雷

457
00:13:59,721 --> 00:14:01,240
禅宗有则公案

458
00:14:01,242 --> 00:14:02,980
适合作这个话题的收尾

459
00:14:03,321 --> 00:14:05,281
百丈禅师每次讲法

460
00:14:05,282 --> 00:14:07,541
都有个老人跟在人群后面听

461
00:14:07,801 --> 00:14:09,120
一天人散了

462
00:14:09,242 --> 00:14:10,220
老人没走

463
00:14:10,242 --> 00:14:10,600
他说

464
00:14:10,961 --> 00:14:11,940
我不是人

465
00:14:12,081 --> 00:14:14,740
很久以前我也在这山上讲法

466
00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:16,120
有个学人问我

467
00:14:16,122 --> 00:14:18,320
大修行的人还落不落因果

468
00:14:18,321 --> 00:14:18,720
我答

469
00:14:19,002 --> 00:14:20,021
不落因果

470
00:14:20,122 --> 00:14:21,401
就因为这一句话

471
00:14:21,402 --> 00:14:23,501
我堕了五百生野狐身

472
00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:25,846
老人跪下来求百丈

473
00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,165
替我重新答一遍那个问题吧

474
00:14:28,667 --> 00:14:31,005
禅宗把这个叫下一转语

475
00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:32,486
就是用一句话

476
00:14:32,506 --> 00:14:35,125
把一个人卡死的地方给转过来

477
00:14:35,506 --> 00:14:37,326
百丈也只说了四个字

478
00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:38,765
不昧因果

479
00:14:39,187 --> 00:14:40,425
老人当下大悟

480
00:14:40,667 --> 00:14:41,885
脱了野狐身

481
00:14:42,415 --> 00:14:42,733
你看

482
00:14:43,094 --> 00:14:44,274
只差一个字

483
00:14:44,535 --> 00:14:45,373
不落因果

484
00:14:45,694 --> 00:14:47,373
是说我修行到位了

485
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:48,613
因果管不着我了

486
00:14:48,775 --> 00:14:49,993
我跳出去了

487
00:14:50,135 --> 00:14:50,973
不昧因果

488
00:14:51,255 --> 00:14:52,693
是说我在因果里

489
00:14:52,694 --> 00:14:53,814
我一直都在里面

490
00:14:53,974 --> 00:14:55,353
我只是不糊涂

491
00:14:55,735 --> 00:14:55,934
昧

492
00:14:56,255 --> 00:14:56,934
是看不清

493
00:14:57,294 --> 00:14:58,634
是自己骗自己

494
00:14:59,015 --> 00:14:59,373
所以

495
00:14:59,655 --> 00:15:01,993
不要介入别人的因果这句话

496
00:15:02,015 --> 00:15:03,154
它真正的意思

497
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:04,613
从来不是叫你别管

498
00:15:04,974 --> 00:15:06,394
是叫你别骗自己

499
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:08,873
别把一次投资说成奉献

500
00:15:08,974 --> 00:15:11,873
别把社交成本的支付说成慈悲

501
00:15:11,895 --> 00:15:14,634
别把拒绝不了的软弱说成善良

502
00:15:14,866 --> 00:15:16,326
最后再说一层

503
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,686
回过头看你那一夜的挣扎

504
00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:20,946
你以为在挣扎要不要帮他

505
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:22,446
诚实一点

506
00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:24,726
你挣扎的很可能根本不是他

507
00:15:24,986 --> 00:15:25,826
你挣扎的是

508
00:15:26,146 --> 00:15:27,025
我要是不借

509
00:15:27,506 --> 00:15:28,145
算什么人

510
00:15:28,787 --> 00:15:31,186
这些年你一直是别人眼里热心

511
00:15:31,506 --> 00:15:33,566
靠得住 有求必应的人

512
00:15:33,947 --> 00:15:34,866
现在拒绝了

513
00:15:35,146 --> 00:15:36,806
人设就裂了一条缝

514
00:15:37,106 --> 00:15:38,265
你保护的不是他

515
00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:40,466
是我是个善良的人

516
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,606
这块牌子

517
00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:42,940
无我这两个字

518
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,119
在别的场合可能很玄

519
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:47,320
在这件事上一点都不玄

520
00:15:47,621 --> 00:15:50,160
无我就是把那块牌子摘下来

521
00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:54,520
放下圣母心的标签 慈悲的人设 好人的面具

522
00:15:54,661 --> 00:15:57,800
如实看一眼自己当下真正的动机

523
00:15:58,141 --> 00:15:59,979
看清楚了会发现两件事

524
00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:01,199
第一

525
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,579
很多你以为的善良

526
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,320
其实是恐惧

527
00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:05,379
怕别人失望

528
00:16:05,661 --> 00:16:06,820
怕关系断掉

529
00:16:06,820 --> 00:16:09,400
怕自己在自己眼里变成坏人

530
00:16:09,621 --> 00:16:09,940
第二

531
00:16:10,340 --> 00:16:11,680
牌子摘掉之后

532
00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:16,400
反而有一些真正干净 无条件的善意会自己冒出来

533
00:16:16,501 --> 00:16:19,920
因为它不再需要经过那个我的审批

534
00:16:20,621 --> 00:16:22,660
那时路见不平拔刀相助

535
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,180
出手是快的

536
00:16:24,180 --> 00:16:25,020
不假思索

537
00:16:25,261 --> 00:16:26,400
当场完成

538
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,680
那样的出手没有反噬

539
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:30,800
因为压根就没有一个我

540
00:16:30,861 --> 00:16:32,640
站在那里等着收账

541
00:16:33,607 --> 00:16:35,307
最后一个问题留给你

542
00:16:35,607 --> 00:16:36,406
回想这辈子

543
00:16:36,688 --> 00:16:37,866
有没有那么一次

544
00:16:38,088 --> 00:16:40,327
手在念头之前就已经动了

545
00:16:40,808 --> 00:16:41,687
可能在马路边

546
00:16:42,048 --> 00:16:43,166
在医院走廊

547
00:16:43,168 --> 00:16:45,067
在一个完全陌生的人面前

548
00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:48,006
事后你有没有觉得自己付出了什么

549
00:16:48,767 --> 00:16:51,107
我猜你连细节都想不起了

550
00:16:51,607 --> 00:16:54,327
而那些记得清清楚楚 能说得出金额

551
00:16:54,568 --> 00:16:57,026
日期 对方后来怎么对你的

552
00:16:57,088 --> 00:16:58,166
你自己想想

553
00:16:58,168 --> 00:16:59,707
那些到底是什么

554
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,746
评论区聊聊你的答案

555
00:17:01,928 --> 00:17:02,847
我特别想知道

556
00:17:03,168 --> 00:17:04,487
你们心里那本账

557
00:17:04,487 --> 00:17:06,506
是从什么时候开始记的

558
00:17:06,847 --> 00:17:07,607
我是王利杰

559
00:17:07,967 --> 00:17:09,136
我们下期见